alone... once again piggy being aloneee...

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"Life is difficult.
This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Life is a series of problem. What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one."

Will I be strong enough to accept it and my life wont be difficult? This year, is fully filled with downs. When will it ever be gone? Will I be strong enough to handle and accept it? Am I strong enough to do everything right? Will I?

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

SUddenly I felt so sad.. I really dont know... I was talking to my secondary people who is in TP.. and they are so slacky... I just envy them so much.. really so much... the thoughts of starting school again makes me so upset.. makes me so miserable.. I cant slack anymore.. I have to stress myself again.. I have to work double hard again.. so as to achieve a good grades and move on to year 2.. but.. but...I just dont know.. felt os envy... heard raquel is in TP now.. she left me in RP alone now.. :( :'( bernard say me.. or bi good dont want go TP and now alone at RP.. suddenly my tears want to roll down.. the thoughts of my english o level makes me so sad.. the thoughts of my english causing me cant get into business course.. the thoughts of my lousy L1R4 makes me "suffer" now.. I really want to cry.. but I just cannot cry.. I am now in my secondary school.. infront of my friends and mr teo.. I just doesnt want to cry infront of them.. I know I will hear things I doesnt want to hear... I really dont know what the hell I am thinking now.. haiz... I knwo what they will tell me.. they will defiantely say who ask me that time dont study.. or ask me to study for my english now.. BUT.. HOW!!? i REALLY DONT KNOW how to study for english!!!!! Work so hard for it last year.. and I still fail.. so what must I do now? I got a kind of feeling that I am regretting to retake english.. I really dont know... My mind in a very very confused mind... super super confused mind!!! what can i do now? i dont know why i retake.. i dont know if i want to leave rp if i can pass my english.. i dont know.. alot of things are really in my mind now... why!!! what!!! how!!! haiz...

~*alone again at
2:28 PM

Saturday, June 19, 2004

Its going to be a month since I blog... hahaha... I wish to blog everything that happen before... but dont know can remember or not... 1st of june till 5th is still normal school day.. I dread to go school everyday, because I just want hols to come asap as I just want to go out with my ES people... on the 31st of May, they just came back from camp, and it was ah ying and sotong birthday.. I could not join them to celebrate with them just because I am in the bloody school studying... and it just sucks.. and it is just the 1st day.. yucky! nevermind.. from the 1st of June.. could not remember much, but I had blog before.. but on that day there was netball training in RP, hmm its been a week since I went for training cause of my serious sickness... and then there were some new faces... and I felt like I just went for the training for the 1st time... but well, nevermind I survived through...

2nd of June.. its a public holiday.. I was so happy... but now I just could not remember what had I done.. :( hmm... forget if I had gone out or I just stay at home...

3rd of June.. got the bloody science UT... wah lau.. it was so damn irritating and idiotic... have to wait for so bloody long than can start to do.. and it was so difficulT! nevermind.. the happy thing was I went for my cousin's wedding dinner.. I rush home straight after the UT.. and once again I missed netball trgs again.. once I reach home I quickly bathe and got ready.. haha.. I just love to see myself in skirt and being so feminie.. but just too bad.. I dont like to wear skirt.. hmm now also wondering where are those photos taken that day.. I really want to admire myself more.. wahaha! :X I reach home late and I dread going school the next day cause go 1 day then holiday.. so I told my mum about it before.. and.. haha.. I didnt go school the next day!

4th of June... I didnt go to school... ok.. I remember what I have done.. I went back to ESSS for training... in the afternoon.. I woke up about 10 plus cause of handphone rang.. and I felt so tired.. really damn tired.. I suppose because its been so long since I can sleep for so long... hmm... I went back in the noon... at first was so afriad Mr Teo will scold me for not going to school.. haha.. but didnt.. I know that day was a very funny day.. I was so hyper, so crazy.. had damn lots of fun when I was in school.. during their break... when Mr Teo came back school... wah lau throw the key dont know how to throw and hit my nose.. and sai they all go and bluff him say I nose bleed.. stupid.. but also stupid me lah.. haha.. dont know how to catch.. during their training it was fun... I was laughing.. they play captain ball using tennis ball -.- dont know how he get that idea also.. I wanted to play.. but didnt cause I was wearing sandals.. nevermind then they were training.. and he was sick.. remembering that day makes me so sad and angry.. haiz.. I was asked to go away when I went over and asked him "u sick ah".. just a casual concern question.. and I was asked to go away.. and when he needs help.. he asked me.. nevermind lah its all over.. just take it that I didnt even see him in bad mood and I just went over... after training... me n JS went to Prime and have dinner and then bought a photo album and then we went around looking for phones because now I want to change my phone.. and the plan.. then later her dad fetch her go her ah ma's house and I went back home...

5th of June.. went back ES becuase Mr Teo want to talk about the camp.. and then erm.. talk and discuss everything... then later Kelly and I met Evelyn and go to Changi Jetty that side.. as we are going to Pulau Ubin... then we eat there.. pengz the food yucky.. then we sit boat to P.U.. then later we cycle cycle cycle... then I received sms from JS... stupid Mr Teo with JS and ADE.. stupid him keep tease me and "him" irritating poke...!!! then later after reaching Singapore.. I went to JS house.. and then she help me with the photos..

All these are what happen in 1st week.. and then hmm the rest I think I dont really need to blog here.. I will blog at my other side... anyway school starting soon.. is so super sianz.. I am going to miss ES more.. -sighz-

~*alone again at
1:25 PM

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

WAH! Never see.. now than I know so loooonng never update liao.. hahahaha... ok I shall briefly say what had happened... The major thing that really happen is that I am sick for about 2 weeks...

I started with a cough and then soon fever... Till now my cough have yet to recover.. still having cough and its asthmatic cough... seen two doc already but than it had not really recover alot... Now.. I just do not feel like eating medicine at all! The medicine is making me to puke!!! REALLY!!! The sight of it makes me feel like vomitting!!! aRRRGHH!!! The taste of the medicine is soo bitter and disgusting! I just hate iT! My appetite also cause of my sickness had shrunk.. hahaha.. I didnt eat much... and I dont feel like eating anymore... I realise is good.. hee hee hee... when you sick, you eat less, than you exercise sommore you sue lose weight.. hahaha.. now im like 47kg! It is moving towards my ideal weight of 45kg now! Hee Hee Hee.. so happy.. :D

Ok.. next thing is that.. I absent from school for 2 days last week... hahaha.. monday and friday.. LoLz... Monday I got MC and Friday I dont have MC.. but 1 shitty thing that really happen is that.. For my enterprise module... I am so sad about it man! I almost cried out when I receive my grade for that... I work so hard for it.. and come out I got a C.. I work from C to B and B wishing to get an A... but when I work to get the A... I got a C.. argh!!! I am so sad about it!!! DAMN IT!!! :'( *cries* I really almost cries out when I see my grade is a C... it was so hardening!!! :(

Next thing is my UT... I got a B+ .. well... didnt get a A this time... nevermind going to work harder for the A man.. but I just because of 1 question I cant get my A.. -sighz- so sianz... nevermind lah.. but I think my CC module I cant even get a B loh.. sianz.. haiz... anyway.. today going to have my UT for enterprise.. I really dont know I am just so afraid of it.. I never felt it for my CC and PS module.. but for enterprise.. maybe I really set a very high standard for my enterprise.... nevermind.. I am going to work hard and try to achieve the A.. I going to achieve A for my enterprise... !!! though I am super down now lah.. -sighz-

I cant remember what really happen from the 15th to 20th... Roughly I know is that during that time I went to visit Panda (my sec fren) in hospital on Monday, Wednesday and Friday... Monday, we were quite anxious and worried for her.. but on wednesday she seems better... and then hmm... still got what??? Hmmm... Tuesday and Thursday are my netball trainings loh.. and then this week I start to fall sick liao loh... anyway.. will continue more later... :)

~*alone again at
9:38 AM