Life is a series of problem. What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one."
Will I be strong enough to accept it and my life wont be difficult? This year, is fully filled with downs. When will it ever be gone?
Will I be strong enough to handle and accept it?
Am I strong enough to do everything right? Will I?
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
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11:35 PM
In the end, really never go back school... well.. no choice.. really no choice... :( sad case !!! I really wish to go back.. but then... my grades I guess is more important... and I think none of the teachers will be happy to see me there too... so make the right choice? Well, is like if I were to go, my grades will be damn poor, and due to last week... I think if I were to leave everything will be so worse.. right? So.. sad case, hard decision, but well... no choice! :(
Thought of going back after my lesson,, but well... you see Mdm tey had gone, the teachers who stayed are the ones that I am rather close, and see quite often.... so not much of a difference too... and they having game... also by the time I reach will be 4 and they will leave at 5? Maybe tomorrow then??? Dont know... but anyway still...
HAPPY TEACHERS' DaY!!! to all the teachers I love, I care and I miss... especially... Mr Teo, Mr Leong, Mr Lai, Mr Tay, Mdm Tey, Ms Teh, Ms sakinah... and also all the teachers who taught me before... :)
I wish that all of you have an enjoyable day, and hope of you be happy and stress-free :)
4:41 PM
Monday, August 30, 2004
Argh... its so damn bored now... tomorrow is the teachers' day celebration... and I cant go back... so stupid right??? And so many people is disturbing me.. by asking me... are you going on tuesday.. those who didnt read my blog.. I dont mind.. BUT THOSE WHO READ MY BLOG... STILL PURPOSLY COME ASK ME...!!!! idiot people.. I think you know whoo I am refering to!!! POKE!!!
Nevermind.. its ok... I tolerate!!! argh.. anyway yesterday I just bought mp3player at Comex :) Hee... so wonderfull to have one... :) Wishes fufilled... but... well... money lesser le lor.. wahhaha... :X
Now I am sooo bored.. wana sleep le.. wahhaha..
8:46 AM
Sunday, August 29, 2004
People out there... please stop asking me if I am going back on the 31st of August!!! I CANT GO BACK!!!! I cant miss any of the lesson anymore!!!! SO PLEASE STOP ASKING ME ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want to go back.. but I CANNOT!!!!!!!!!!!!! so stop asking me, before I flare uP!
3:46 PM
Before writing about NSL... I am happy to be able to improve abit of my html... phew nothing went wrong... lucky.. if not going to jump down... haha... but I think spend quite a time to do it... :X hahaha... now slightly tired... but cannot sleep.. forget to mark tuition work! But I think more or less I will sleep... hahaha... lousy tuition teacher right?
Finally I have a good sleep... never ever since I started school I can wake up at 2.45pm... Never ever I could stay up till 3.45am... This was the first time ever since I started school... It is just like before... :D 2.45pm wake up, then I cook instant noodle, bathe, went to suntec city for the Comex Exibition... looking for printer and mp3player...
Supposingly to meet Js they all at 7.20pm outside the sports hall, but I could not make it, therefore they went in first... Reached about 8pm.. miss the first quarters... Finally I could see Sng Lee Lee playing...! I was so happy... She is just so good! Cool! I love her play... her speed... her dodge... her everything... she is just so cool! :D
Went to eat after that.. then went home.. bathe and online.. then chat with sotong, js, and mr teo... crapx all the way.. haha.. well... talk to mr teo about tony also... -sianz!- hahaha.. hmm ok la.. nothing much.. so tired now... edit the template le... so its time to sleep.. oopx not mark.. haha :X
2:56 AM
Saturday, August 28, 2004
Yes... I am now still awake.. fully awake... well.. I guess because of the incident bah... anyway I felt very bad... something happen to my dearest tudi - sw.. and me as her SHIFU.. I dont know!!! till now than I know.. I really felt so damn guilty about it man!!!! -sighz- SW... sorry hor... your shifu not caring at all, didnt do what I should do.. sorry..!!! Anyway, guess its over... and well... learn from it.. yeah!? Grow up.. though growing up is really a very very painful thing... because I think I am going through this? [Hubby, Shifu(mr teo)] agrees? I am now growing up right? Thats why I am feeling so hurt and painful so many times, more than how I felt in secondary school?
-sighz- thinking about what happened again.. stupid! hmm.. yah.. sw.. I realise one thing.... Mr Teo always repeat what he said to different people.. :x never change what he said... what he told you, most of it heard before... -mr teo... change your tai ci???- :x
I suppose I didnt blog about my match right? Ok, played 6 quarts of 10mins... and yes.. I played all... 4 C, 1 WA, 1 WD... :S ... and yes... my injury is getting worse??? dont know the pain is sharp when I walked.. :s ... sianz half... tuesday match with AJ, thurs rain or shine must train.. then saturday play with hai sing.. haiz.. hopefully injury gets better? Want to go woodlands.. but well... dont know should I... nevermind la.. forget it.. We lost to SP.. but performance improved! :D anyway, Benjamin (bball advisor) accept me as his player :D and.. guess what? I will be busy from sept till nov? There is bball league.. and I am involved :)
3:09 AM
Friday, August 27, 2004
No one can really understand me that well other than Mr Teo... I guess he is really just like a daddy to me... some one who could understand me that well more than anyone else... *Mr Teo, thank you for understanding me so well...
After what had happened, I still went down to queensway sec, I know that seeing them, going out with them will make me happy... just by with them, I will just happy even if dont make me happy or what... I suppose this is the bond between us... I went straight down after my lesson, just in the cab, I could still think of what had happened but I really want to try to make myself happy so as not to affect them... so when I reached there I show my smiling face? I was laughing, because of them, they are still so cute, naive and fun... They can just let me open my heart and laugh at their cuteness... but well... when game is over, I am left alone sitting there... thoughts filled up my mind... tears seems to fight their way out of my eyes, but this time I tried hard to stop them... but I am really depress...
Mr Teo see through me, I suppose was because of my coldness towards his lame joke with Jane... he asked me why this stranger so fierce? or so weird? or sad? All I said was, "read my blog." Well, he asked me what is in my blog? Just a little while, I told him what happened, he is the first who can really understand how I felt, and why I felt it this way... I no longer want a pass as my result, now, all I want is quality passes and not a just pass... NO ONE, no one other than Mr Teo, who I told the situation can understand what I want... I think he can understand that I am so upset because without this will pull my overall down, and not getting what I want... I am not saying my friends do not understand, but no matter how I explain, what they told me is, dont get so affected, cheer up, just a grade, work hard for the other, and worse still, WALLACE said this "i can confirm she will clear this module" ALL I want is not clearing this module, nor passing this module, but to get a B+... can you understand? NO! Can you see how motivated to work hard I am now? NO! Can you see how much effort I had put in? NO! I think I will really ask OSC about it... I do not want to see my grades being so affected... 1 mark is also better than 0... if Wallace is really not going to do something, I WILL go OSC!!!
Wallace, a facilitator who I thought is like Mr Teo, a caring, a wonderful, a jokey, a serious teacher, is not what I think now... Wallace cannot be compared to Mr Teo at all, he cant even be compared to Mr Lai! Wallace is just a fac, who say things and wont do, someone who just want to make himself popular, someone who is not serious at all... all he loves, is just to teach and thats all... nothing much... I really hope I wronged him, but it seems not to be the case...
Forget it, now back to Mr Teo, I told him what happened yesterday night, Tony saying me tired will perform better... before I told him, I asked him, am I someone who perform better if I perspire? Cause after thinking, I think my case is because I need a quarter or rather a while to get used and adapt and warm myself up... but not because of perspiring... but Tony claimed I am that, and 'forced' me to do a 10mins run or something before any game! Well, Mr Teo said almost what I think, he said I am nervous, therefore as I play longer, I will 'get used' or something like that, and so perform better... but well... Tony cant understand that... that goes the same for Cheryl and the rest of the players... I cant blame my team mates, they are not experienced, but Tony, suppose to be a experience should be able to see that in me, but he didnt, and assuming the wrong thing! What is this!? Getting to hate Tony more, and RP netball more.. (sorry for saying this)
Well, another thing that happen today is, our dream trip to Thailand is CANCELLED! Bravo, bravo!!! What is the caused of it? Our inefficient advisors. They dont fit to be our advisors! Making us doing everything, discuss everything, bring us up high and tell us we cant go! Wonderful advisors we have... I really thinking of quitting RP netball due to the above reasons, but well, I will do my best for IVP for MYSELF and then decided... but now more or less I think I will want to commit myself in basketball and wushu after the IVP...
Ok, thats it for today... I only know that I cried alot today, tears will just flow down when I am alone, because the thoughts of everything will just flash back.. but now I had emailed the whole situation to my mentor, hopefully he can help...
11:20 PM
Can anyone imagine this? I am crying so damn hard in class. My tears is out of control! I could not control my emotion at all. This is so freaking bad. Anyone can imagine this? I suppose I had freak my class out. This is the second time I cried in class, and this is the 2nd time that I cried so hard just because of studies. I totally out of control of my emotion and tears. Even now, when I am blogging it, my tears seem to be flowing down once again. I am losing my control again. I think I myself also cannot imagine this.
My very first time was when I was taking my O level result, and this is the 2nd time. I cried so hard just now. What happen? I went for class on tuesday for my oral, and then before that I thought I will be absent so I apply leave, but I still went for it, and because of the application, Wallace had no choice but to put me as absent. -sighz- I work so hard for the RJ, I came to school, and I got this. A 'X' rather than a 'D' or whatever, then what for I work so hard for? I really dont know. I was happy at the start, but than now, everything is gone. My mood is changed. My mood is so affected now. I really dont know. Hope I can change back to myself when Mr Chang come in, so as not to affect my grades for enterprise. Why is this happening? I am speechless... so speechless... so down...
1:04 PM
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Hmmm... wahahaha.. 4 days never blog le.. but now left with about 15mins left to blog.. shall do it fast then... ok... I am happy today!!!! hahaha... after emailing David, asking him his criteria of marking us, he told me and then.. I do what he said... and.. guess what!!?? I ACHIEVE THAT A!!! All of 14 times, this is my first time to achieve that A... hahaha... so happy!!! :D Another achievement... :D Oh not forgetting, I got my A for cognitive also... hee hee.. for problem 14, at this point of time, I achieve my two A... and I completed 2 module for problem 14 only.. so... ACHIEVEMENT!!!! I am so happY!!!! hahahaha... :) hee hee... Hopefully all my problem 14 will get an A... this will be my happiest moment of the time in RP... Due to these 2 acheivements, I shall work damn hard for my next 3 modules, P14.. hee hee.. to get what I want.. this shall be my goal of the week! :D
Ok, today RP vs SP ... then ES vs BT.. hopefully ES will win.. Jiayou hor ES... come on man.. the 'idiots' of ES... :X hee hee hee... kidding ah.. RP win? I really dont know.. but hopefully.. now feeling happy.. maybe I will be able to perform slightly much better? Hahaha... hope ar... :D
-smile- :D hee hee hee... ES!!! JIAYOU!!!! :D
Tuesday... I got oral... well.. was too nervous to talk lah.. hahaha... nothing much alos.. but i think 'chao ta' liao lah.. -mr teo's term- hahaha... hmm... but hope the teachers are lenient to us... if not i think i really die liao lor... haiz... but I guess if I fail this time round, I wont retake again le... I shall work hard in RP and then achieve the top 10% in school... and then go into local Uni... to pursue my studies... yeah.. shall see how.. but now I will still work hard for the english.. and also in RP.. Now.. for the last 2 problem.. I shall get all As! Since Mr Chang and David said this "A well deserving A" :D hee hee.. ;) happy!!!! :D I am getting the hang of it.. shall perserve and then get it..!!! :D
Yesterday nothing much... just study and then like that lor.. hahaha.. then monday also.. nothing much bah.. cant remember that much.... ok.. shall leave now.. having match at SP le... bye.. good luck ES :D
5:17 PM
Sunday, August 22, 2004
I achieve my A for enterprise module . It had been a long time since I could achieve this. It is like for the past 12 weeks, this is my first A? I suppose this grade makes me happy and my friend upset. Well, I suppose she got a lower grade than me and I guess I am not sensitive enough by putting achieving A as my nick.
Seeing her, it is just a reflection of me a week or 2 weeks ago. I remember how dishearten I was at that time. I got lower than what I expected. Study hard, achieve a poor grade. Was very depress at that very moment. Wanted to give up at that very moment, very very upset. I truly understand how she felt now, especially when you know you had work hard, and when someone who seems to be working less harder than you achieve a better grades. I had experience what you are facing now, and I understand it.
Eman talked to me, and as I was talking to him, I remember myself saying what Mr Teo told before. "As long as you know you have done the right things, continue to work hard, and dont give up, just hang in there, trust that something good will come out from it." We started talking about how the facs grade us, and I find myself telling him that life is unfair, if the fac sets a high expectation of you, and you dont met his expectation, there goes your A. This is true enough, I believe Alvin set a very high expectation of me, he gave me a B when I do what I done in some classes, and I could get a A from them. I set a high expectation of myself in his class too, therefore I know I dont deserve the A from him. Another thing I found myself telling myself is, "Expect the unexpected" from my hubby and OBS. And also, do not expect too much, "if you expect too much, more disappoinment you will face" dont know from who, but I think is mr teo. This is what I remember telling myself, and I truly agree with this. Sometimes, I really find myself telling myself, never ever to expect too much, because I fear of the disappoinments. I remember Eman keep saying I have grown up, I have become a lady, he is proud of me, but what I found myself telling him is that, "because, I have good teachers, good leaders) - Mr Teo, Mr Leong, Ms Lye. They are the ones, who said had create impact for me, who have make me remember their words. Yesterday, I said I could not remember what they had said, but when somethings happen, their words will just come out any moment, just like today. All their words have just been kept at the back of my mind, which when I need them, they will just appear.
Now, I really think I must thank them :) For all your words....
10:27 PM
Saturday, August 21, 2004
Wanted to be top 10% or rather 20% of the whole school... remember Alvin telling us that if we are able to get B+ for predicted grade, we might be able to be the top 20%. Well, Cognitive Problem Solving is my best module of all, and is like my grades still fall below B+. It is just a B. This means there goes my dream. Well, but I guess I had tried my best, for now I shall just try to achieve all the As I can to really push up my grades then. :) To make sure it wont fall down to Cs.
Mr Chang, my enterprise fac asked us about the rumours of RP's diplomas not being recognised. Well, we told him about what we heard and afraid of. He told us that as long as we are the top 10% of the school, we will be able to get into Uni. Well, I really hope I am one :) I really want to get into Uni, to study business or maybe computer. Just wish to have a degree rather than a diploma. I have really change my working attitude. I think those who really know me well, will see this change. I think I had never been so diligent or rather so 'zai yi' my grades in my 4 years of school. I suppose I had grown up??? Anyway, the thoughts of leaving RP and move to NP is there, and felt really very confused about. Reason why I am leaving RP is because I think I learn nothing much in RP, and also the fear of not able to get into Uni... but now... after Mr Chang words, make me a bit of believe him. Still in confusion. But 1 thing I know is that, from all these lesson, I learn certain basic and important thing!
My determination and will of getting top 20% is really stronger. I really wish that this determination and will are able to stay on till the end of the year. What I am going through now, is just the 1st semester. I still got 1 moe semester to go. Another 5 different modules, I really hope I can hang in there and be even stronger! Naruto's favourite word"Thats my way of a ninja".. for me.. "Thats my way of a student" will hang in there. Achieve my goals!!!
I am going to watch Naruto again, well, inside there are really alot of words that inspire me. I am going to list those words, anyway since I am rather free I shall write down the words that really make me what I am now from the different people who had stepped into my life.
1. Mr Teo - History will keep repeating itself, till you learnt
2. Ms Lye - Learn from other people's experience
3. Mr Teo - As long as you know that you are doing the right thing, and is hanging there, and trust that something good will come
4. Mr Teo - Nothing is fair in this world
Haha.. too free... that all the inspirational words just dont appear in my mind now. But I remember there was this time when I was really down, and all the words just appeared. Maybe one day when I remember I will quickly write it down. Now in the mood of sleeping, and sort of distracted so cant think too much. Shall stop here also, maybe its time to clear my cupboard and table too, or even clean my computer.
11:40 PM
Thursday, August 19, 2004
No training.. ok lah.. I dont feel like also lah... hahaha... :xwent for bball meeting.. ok.. officially bball player le.. hahaha... 3 commitments... no.. isi 4 that includes for my studies.. well.. it is really tough in RP... -shakes heads- well... does all the fac expect all 16 days you will be 'noisy'? I really dont know lor.. -sighz- Alvin now say I am quiet... and there goes my A... haiz.. so sad right... than today talk so much.. get a B again from David... -sighz- do extra still teh same grades.. do something improve.. the next week just talk a bit lesser.. than gone case.. haiz.. forget it man...
I shall hang on for a little while more... just a little more... yes.. a little.. 3 more weeks to go only... 18 more days only.. just hang in there for a littttleee... MORE... and yes.. i will make it... hopoefully.. nothing much.. just a boring day now.. yawnz..
6:49 PM
Lots of thanks to those remember my birthday.. :) (huiwen, sotong, neo, cindy, jiahua, peiyun, jane, shireen, weisheng, wan, he you - 12am sms me... at 6am.. my cousin and lydia...) Most of all.. my dearest 'mummy' remember...!!! she sms me ;) so happy!!!:D thanks!!! hee hee.. 1 more day to you bday le.. haha... ok.. of cause.. not forgetting my dearest buddies... - panda, xw, sh and kelly (neo n cindy mention above)... and... of cause adeline... last but not least... my caring teachers - mr teo, mr leong and mr lai... :D and ya.. my TA0402 classmates... and wallace, alvin and david for wishing me :0
Well... shall start blogging... started well... class like normal... attended the lesson... listen... try to do my best so to get what I want... was happy... VB UT is out.. got a B.. I mean is better than UT2, though still not very good.. but was still happy... started doing work... and then 12.. wnet down canteen...
No facs were down.. but well.. I am really very happy that the class celebrate for me and the other 4 leos... I am really happy.. I dont know why.. just too happy.. but was quite upset that he didnt come down... but later he did... than took a picture with him... and push the cake on his face... than later hmmm hope I didnt overdo... took a lot of pictures.. so happy.. :) it seems to be a little obvious now... but... hmm... suan le bah... i just want to be friends with him...
Things start to happen.... I received my UT grade for science... it is super depressing... and then later.. things get really bad... she cried... because of my insensitiveness.. and blankness in mind.. she really cired.. i dont know what to do... I felt really bad... really very bad... just felt so damn down... and my mood is just affected... was trying to smile... was trying to make myself happy.. but but but... I cant... I really cant... the things ..just keep coming to my mind.... and I know this is bad.. today is a special day.. I must be haappy...
Things just dont go smoothly la... I dont quite understand today lesson, I cant do my RJ or quiz well... results badly done... make someone miserable... all these are just in RP... -sighz- than later I go EsS.. to meet up with them... :) thought things would be better... but.. I am wrong... Maybe I should not be affected.. but I dont know... maybe due to what had happen in the day.. makes me feel negative... felt it was like I am the 'jinx' .. should not be there... hopefully the teachers are really feelin better.. well.. cause I think they really trying hard not to spoil my day too? sorry for that?...
Reached PP to have dinner.. well.. could nto decide what to eat.. so we went to foodcourt in the end.. than talk and have fun.. well.. ES ppl just have the power... the wonderful power to make me smile.. and not thinking about anything... they just make me temporary forget about everything...forgeeting about things that happen in RP or Es... mr lai become very lame... mr teo still the smae... and also my hubby.. have lots of laughter... sad this word is not in my mind at all when I am with them.... later panda, xw n sh joined us... well.. happy :D ... hmm.. also... lots of fun... haha.. especially the part when panda is eating and we are not allowed to talk to her... and then I being hit on the head.. from mr teo.. oh yes.. keep kicking him :x ... then hmm.. lots of fun lar... then go swensen.. suppose to eat ice cream.. but no icr cream.... so went to Gelare... than eat.. and lots of fun thee.. haha.. took alot of video too :) hee hee hee... ok... overall fun night with them... they just wash away my misery.. though short while.. but i am happy enough... :)
Once it was over,, took cab,, things are bad.. I think back about the things again.. -sigghz- was a happy day for me.. really... but but but... things just went bad... and even now.. as i was blogging.. it started to rain so heavily!? gosh.. what a day man.. -sighz- nevermind.. it is a wonderfull birthday.. thanks everyone.. i am now 17! :D hee.. :D
12:08 AM
Monday, August 16, 2004
Well.. suppose to be studying for my UT tomorrow... but... but.. but... I didnt... dont know why... just dont wish to do so... because of those bad memories? Guess so... nevermind.. shant be bothered anymore... I know my dreams is getting further... but... I dont wish to care any more... I am going to care less... (inner me: haha.. I dont think you can) *shrugz*
Well... my english oral is coming reall soon... scary... really scary... it is frightening me as day goes by... Talked to liduan... she said it was difficult... hmm... I really dont know... hopefully it will be alright...
Second time doing VB without really using other people's program.. :) Well... maybe I really cannot go thailand? I think if my cough really still like this.. I really think I cannot go... I dont know what is wrong with me... eversince the chalet... that sickness had stick with me till now... though it seems to be recovered... but it is nto fully recover... my cough is very on off... and is not normal cough but those cough with wheezing sound.. which makes me and my mum worry for having asthma attack any moment... than... headache for days or weeks... than suddenly got flu and recover only when I finished my medicine... all these have never happen to me for the past 16 years.. but it happen now... *shrugs*
Haha... 16 years 363 days ago... a little cutey baby was born... and so... 1 more day... it will be that cutey little baby birthday :) hee hee hee... Have my bestest buddies forget about it or just making fun of me??? *shurgs* guess I shrug for the 3rd time... well... SH admits she really forget... I suppose Panda also? -sighz- nvm... forget it... take it as them being busy... dont blame them.. :) -wed a normal day? or will it be happy day???-
Yesterday, I almost in tears... my grandma called... wanted us to go over to take food but none of us wanted to do so... but in the evening, she called again... saying she will come over to give us the food... I asked my mum... what do I get? A shouting from her... saying "she wants come, come lah" I really almost in tears... (even now)... Seriously, I have been trying hard not to really throw my temper like I used to, communicate with you two, and all sort of things I have never done before for my past 15years... you always claimed I am the one who is the barrier that causes that we cant communicate.. but sometimes... it is really you... You might not know how hurt I am yesterday... but I was really hurt by your shouting... I really want to cry out... but I didnt... I know I will get scolding from you... but I am really hurt by you... I tried to do all I can to improve... but why is it still the same? Do you know how hurt was it??? (crying...) Things will not improve???
Nevermind... I just act like nothing had happened... like the old me... then I just watched my Naruto... but suppose my sis know how I felt... then later my grandma came.. was happy to see her... pour drinks for her... and I just dont know why... a selfish me... giving her $50 makes me so happy!!! I was so happy to give her that $50!!! though is a small amount.. but it comes from my heart... I shared with my sister... Anyway, I really dont know why... sometimes hearing my mum like that scold my grandma, it really hurts me... I just really love my grandma so much... but I just dont know how to show her my love... just like how to show it to my mum... my sis... and my dad...
Life is just so irony... you can treat people who is not your closet so nice... yet you treat your closet like shit... you can tolerate the 'insult' from your friends, but not your sister... why is it so? Is it the people you love most, will be the person who you will have less tolerance? who you will scold more? I really dont know... sometimes I really wonder... wonder why? Feel as if those people out there is just taking you for granted, but yet you can tolerate and play... but when your sister is just making fun of you a little... you get angry!... why!? When your sister is the closet to you, who cares for you though never show out but you know.. and you will never doubt those concern... I really dont know man!... Life is just so irony...
I have make clear of my mind already... all I want from you is just the friendship... hoping that we can have a good friendship and nothing else further than that... Well... suppose I should do something to draw the line... just friendship and nothing else...
'Ms Lye'... birthday coming soon too yea? ;) Guess you wont remember mine.. :( but anyway.. will remember yours.. :)
Yesterday tuition, was very tired.. felt damn sleepy whole day... but went out... well.. I guess they are ok now? I really hope so... I do not wish to see anything bad to happen to them... When things go bad again, just remember how happy when you were together.. ok? This will remind yourself... not to think too far out...
Saturday training... I am jsut too slack.. I guess.. train a little only... not much.. but happy to see all of them :) hee hee... miss them so much.. but well.. suppose none will miss me.. except for sw.. :)
11:49 PM
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Well... I am smiling because... I really can see.. my friends out there really care for me... I am so touched by their words... though not directly.. but the feeling is just so nice... their little words touched my heart... love all of you!
Hubby - well... thanks alot.. :) I know that need to work smart also.. because this is one of the insipritional keychain I saw in the bookshop just now also... but I really not working smart? Panda - I know definately there will be people telling me without telling hard = no chance to success which is something what mr teo's nick means too.. but.. it is the truth... I get a better result when I was slacking away, just hoping to pass... when I asipre something... things got worse...
Mr Teo - Thank you for talking to me just now... also for playing that game... You tell me understanding... Mr Leong told me working smart.. so there is something wrong with my working attitude or rather the way I work towards my goal??? -ponders-
Anyway, once again, really thanks people... for your concern.. :) *muackx* All your caring words make me feel like standing up again and to hang in there again...
Am I too desperate of working towards my goal (getting a good grades of which I can be top 20% of the whole school)? Wanting to see the results so desperately? Being affected by one result so easily? Expecting too much? Not working hard enough? I really think I have not work hard for certain modules or UT... but I know that I wont get a certain result if I do not do what I am suppose to do... but whenever I really work hard and study hard for that certain modules... I just do not get anything... All these are really things I must really ponder and think and reflect... and how long more can I hang in there... ? Will I be able to hang in there for the very last 5 more weeks?
Ok, anyway I just came back from my training... I broke my record of 6.2 and 5.8 for my beat test.. an achievement... (this is again when I dont really train hard I get something good) my record for now is 7.9... :) I am really tired... going to break into pieces... but well... tomorrow is FRIDAY... thats the end of my week again... physically and mentally tired... I want to meet up with my friends... to chill out...
11:08 PM
I think I no longer trust the word - work hard... Though Mr Teo's nick is "Working hard only guarantees you a fighting chance... not success itself... but at least you have a chance" but what is the use? I know I am getting very pessismistic now... but I really tired of doing so much... Just came up from the canteen... It was daniel's birthday, we went to the canteen... looking at all the inspirational keychains... I felt very upset with everything! "Work hard pays!" ..."Working hard = success" ... I really getting not to believe this anymore... bad memories is coming back... Memories of me working so hard yet not being able to play (though I was once convinced that others also working hard) but now I being very very very negative now... I am really quite sick and tired of WORK HARD, WORKING HARD this word!!!! Spending my whole night studying for my science UT... control myself not to play games... but turn out bad again really... really... tiring... and painful...
I know I really must hang in there... but I really dont know how long I can hang in there anymore...
10:37 AM
Monday, August 09, 2004
Though the conversation was short... but it was meaningful... he is right... I need to learn to how to deal with it.... is part of growing up... I need to hang in there... even though how hard, painful or tiring it is... as long as I work hard... things will get better.... as long as I hang in there.. and trust that something good will happen... Yunru... hang in there!!!
It really hurts... painful... tiring... caused I cried just now as I was talking... well.. I just remember the results I got for VB... twice... I dont get what I expect... UT expect B get a C+... daily grade... expect A.. get a B... both I work really hard for it... I work super hard... stay up late to study... ask my friends... force myself not to MSN... I did everything for both my UT and daily assessment.. buut what do I get? Grades that I dont expect.. well... but I still need to hang in there...
Thank you... short but meaningful... wake me up...
Yunru.. hang in there.. trust that good things will happen if you hang in there...
9:49 PM
hahaha.. read my master's blog... hahaha.. so sweet of tt piggy of her.. :X
2:39 PM
Sunday, August 08, 2004
Back... didnt sleep... wanted to do alot of things but I didnt do anything at all... all I did wa just sit down and clear and see my computer... list of things to do: - Clear my cupboard, Clean my computer table and writing table, sort out the things in my laptop... but none of the things I had done... wanted to read the book... also didnt read... just felt sooo slack... and when I want to blog... I am so tired... shall stay on...
Let me blog about friday 1st... the most happening day.. :D hee hee heee... Felt very sick on thursday... therefore reached home and told my mum about it, saying that I might not go school tomorrow due to my sickness... she didnt say anything because I think she heard my voice changed... than I slept early on thursday night... was thinking should I go school or not.. then felt asleep very early... next day.. woke up.... my dad was waking me up.. but I didnt wake up.. was very tired though slept early... so in the end decided not to go school.... 11.30 like that woke up... dread waking up but no choice because I need to finish my RJ, quiz and evaluation... by 12... so woke up and do the quiz and evaluation... then 12+ then finish my RJ so I emailed my RJ... then I eat my lunch and went to consult the doctor and went to ESS... :D
Reached the school... dua hai, ben hai, hubby and shifu and of cause... PANDA.... in there talk talk... then didnt really do much.. was quite bored and tired... then its about time already... then we went off... shifu says he never drive... than went around the canteen and stuffs to get to his car finally man!... still need to run.. -.-! Anyway, as usual shifu- MR TEO is still sooo lame.. and childish... haha... cannot take it... buay tahan... next.. mr lai... hmm... the same old him... everyone still the same lar...
Reached there.. order food... than talk talk... have fun.... with them I wont think of anything else... everything just disappear from my mind... I am so glad about it... I totally forget about him.. nor anything else... Talked about NYAA... yeah... found people to do with me... kelly at first dont want to do.. now.. she agreed.. yeah! :) hmm... still got talk about what? let me think... I also forget liao.. die.. my memory is getting rather poor these days... die... nevermind.. I know I have fun.. lots of fun on the 6th of August! :) 21st of June was the time we spent together too.. now on 6th Aug, with mr leong, ben hai, dua hai :)
Yes... not forgetting something.. MR TEO... THANKS FOR YOUR PROMISE :) I mean the book.. hee hee.. thanks... thought you will forget.. haha.. cause decided to go and find and buy le.. thanks!!!!! thanks sooo much!!!! love you sooo much.. hahaha :X oops.. hubby love you too.. ahhaha... :X ops.. panda u too.. whahaha... :P
Mr Teo bought me the book on 'the road less travelled' hee.. thought he would forget about it.. but... well.. he didnt... :) thanks!!! ok... but angry with him fo sticking the cat on the cover.. hmpF~! hate cats sooo much and scared of cats so much.. than he did this to me... :'( shouldn't have told them or let them know I scared of cats.. hmpF~! but well.. this is the first present I received.. hee hee.. thankxx...!!! hee hee...
Thats all for friday... saturday... hmm... orh.. remember got match... hmm... felt rather weak and tired lor... than got feeling I wont be playing well.. so told tony I am sick... than warm up.. than first match.. hmm.. like that lor.. play play play... lost to avalanche... win ycks?? i dont know the results... i dont want to care... alos dont know why.. this time i realise I am not that concern on the outcome of the results anymore... very very tired.. than later went back ess... to meet up with them.. then with ade, js, sai go meet dua hai and have lunch.. than later went separate way.. wanted to go swim.. then later go play bball.. with sai, xw, rach and hy.. then later go tmall see the bball shorts no my size.. than later buy dinner and went back home to bathe and eat and sleep... thats all for sat...
Sunday.. hmm... all i did was eat sleep, play than 2 to 4 got tuition.. hmm.. felt happy today.. because see nengli smiling because she knows what she is doing.. this is the first time.. yeah? hee hee.. hopefully things become better.. :) cheers... read the book given by mr teo.. :) hee hee.. nice.. really nice... :) makes me reflect on several things... hee hee...
Ok.. back to last wed... I cried cause of him... haha.. didnt want to cry.. but my tears just flow down... we were in the container.. than I just liek that cry lor.. haha.. haiz.. everyone is sad lar.. haiz.. actually also nothing much really happen.. thurs.. hmm.. training was cancelled cause many sick and some is injuiried.. there is a bball match.. so stay to watch them play.. then later i joined them play for a while.. haha.. anyway told ben that I am joining them also.. hopefully can bah.. studies was as usual so sucks larh.. wed lesson was tough.. then thursday.. er.. i tried my best lar.. haiz.. ok lar.. tts all.. cant remember much also... anyway.. been watchin naruto.. heehee.. nice show :D bye..
9:45 PM
oh yes.. peep.. no more xiaoyun-rp.blogspot.com.. i ahve change to this blog... I never blog for that one so long.. so its time to change to here... anyway.. what I blog in the past in inside also... its in the archive...
Well.. 5 days never blog liao.. I always thought in RP will make me blog more.. but I guess I am wrong... I guess I am just too tired and busy to blog... Want to blog now.. but tired to do so... will continue after taking a nap... very very weak... sick for seen the doctor for 4 times in 2 and a half month... well... it breaks my record... used to be sick once in 6months or 1 year.. now 4 times in 2.5 months... so weak once in RP... ok.. talk later.. took the med... very sleepy now...
5:55 PM
