alone... once again piggy being aloneee...

"See the top for navigation"

"Life is difficult.
This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult - once we truly understand and accept it - then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

Life is a series of problem. What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one."

Will I be strong enough to accept it and my life wont be difficult? This year, is fully filled with downs. When will it ever be gone? Will I be strong enough to handle and accept it? Am I strong enough to do everything right? Will I?

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Nothing much.. other than training! =)

I am so glad that I did suggest on having self training =) Due to that in the end we still have training! =) I am so glad! I am so happy! Also, the training is a cool one! =)

I admit I do feel scared upon hearing we are running like 3km or 4.something km. But deep inside my heart, I know it clearly this is what I need, and also what I must do. Since I have some mental prepared though not so far but manage to cool myself down in a short period of time.

We started running... Oh well, I started with perrine they all because I know they will run in a fast pace and also by running with them do give me the kind of motivation to run or maybe I should say will urge me to run... Mr Teo at the start already tease me, ... "wah, yunru so meng arhs" dotss... then I continue running with them... after a while I know I cant keep increase my speed therefore I ran on my own already...

At certain point of time, I do caught up with them, ran with them but after a while I become a little far behind again... then we keep running till NASS traffic lights... before that, I felt the tiredness already, the only thing that came into my mind is, "just a little more, I will reach the bus stop.." when I reached, "just continue... I am not tired.." closing my eyes to think... and keep running... when Mr Teo said stop at traffic lights, that is when I decided to chiong, and keep telling myself to run... I reached the 1st designation =)

2nd point, at the next traffic lights.. which was rather long... because its 1 and a half length of NASS... the girls rush all the way... I could see it, but physically down already... leg rather soft already.. hahaha... but still keep running, then remmeber the DVD that watched during the holidays, "tell the leg say one more time... and will rest after that..." and therefore I kept running.. =) I reached it... =)

3rd one, was pretty disappointing... because I was at the back... my leg really gone soft... and before zuer had her cramp... I really see the distance between myself and them... but after that i started and then same thinking went through my head... "its only 3 bus stop away... its only like a few metres away only... i cant give up now... i just need to go on and on..." and... bus stop by bus stop by stop and finally i reached it.... =)

After that.. we walked to Sunplaza park... wah that was when my headache is back again... and neck was super tired.... walked pretty slow and keep talking... then we walked to the end then started running again... =)

I really dont wish to give up, and I know I was very tired.. but still I need to push myself.. because this was what I want... Ran infront together with them... though my neck do still hurt but I just want to push myself... because they can do it... I sure can do it... This time the tiredness was not really there liao... and I do feel happy about it... =) When Perrine said, if its a slow one... then train up the ankle... well.. I tried to keep slow pace so as to trained up my ankle.. but I realised its really ache!!! Keep running and running.. no much thoughts already because other than ankle and neck.. nothing else.. and all these pain never had stopped me from running before so its the same for today... Finally we reached the traffic light... =)

Continue to run and run... and finally at a point of time when I was alone.. I started to thinkn about my arms... and I remember YY did told me, "90degrees all the time" and therefore at that point of time... I focus on my arms... making sure its side by side and my elbow not pointed out... and making sure its 90 degrees.. and keep running...

And just keep running... and then do start to feel tired after increasing some speed... but i dont wish to give up now.. I had gone this far... therefore... "its a little more..." went into my mind.. and keep running to push myself... aiming at perrine they all... finally reaching a point when Mr Teo said, if can increase your speed and go or soemthing like if can fast run all the way to the traffic lights... and well... I TRIED ALL MY BEST.. I keep pushing myself... keep pushing... making sure I overtake Zuer, Cheryl who were just a little infront of me... I overtook Zuer.. then I keep running its a long way... but I keep thinking its short.... then reach a point whereby got chan and cheryl... but in split of second, cheryl and chan ran even faster... and its still quite a distance... then still continue as my aim is to overtake the next person... and though I didnt manage to do it... but I was just 1 or 2 steps near chan when reaching the finishing line... =) sooo glad about it...

Last point... sprint all the way to the school... stupidly Mr Teo said sec3s at first.. then he saw me... then he said.. those who can run fast... run as fast to the school.... perrine started off damn fast all the way... and this point of time I was really tired!!!! Zuer also ran super fast.... then Cheryl ran past her... and then.. I just keep going and hope to ran past her too.. then later she was ouching.. but I just keep running... but haish.. the most irritating thing is... my mental went low.. near the side gate.. I stopped... I was really tired.. but within 3 steps.. I thought I shouldnt do this.. and tehre I go... I run and run and run.. and I REACHED THE SCHOOL!!!!

Oh well... well... its really tiring afterall... but happy about my performance? Maybe its still not too bad... I am quite glad about those selftalks.. hahaha... and keep pushing and pushing.. and learning to swing my arm properly... though I couldnt keep up the pace all the time with Perrine they all but I am rather happy that I could at least try my best to.. and also catch up with them... now I supposed my aim is to hope I can stay with their pace the next run we going to... but I am proud of myself larhs... not too old yet...

I really love running lah... and I feel the love for it.. =) Well I still to build up more on my stamina man.... and hope to find some way to stop my headaches and neck pain. and ankle aching... because these factors somehow or rather did affect a tiny bit...

After that do the ladder and then passing... and so fast.. its 9pm already gosh.. the training is so fast that I think its really sooo SHORT!!!! Wah.. the whole training is really very tiring especially on my ankle and back after the long dist running.. doing the ladder is the worse.. as it really hurts my ankle... then dont know why my back also start to aches.... dots... damns...

I really hope all the achings and the pain on my back and ankle its gone after tomorow... I got a date on Sunday!!! I need to be fit!!! Maybe after Pesta Sukan.. I shall go doctor already.. because I really think I cant possibly everytime after a tough time I had all these pains... I shall self declare rest after Pesta Sukan...

Wednesday... beep test for them... I feel like doing... but I wonder if I should because I so scared to sia suay larhs... but to wait till RP's beep test I think its going to be fast, but doing at ES I know where I stand and so that in RP I can aim a standard... maybe I should really just go for the test then... I shall see how then...

Oh yes... I sent my application of my PPM already... I decided doing on Mr Teo yesterday and asked him today... and he said anything after some time of considering... and welll now is waiting for the school to approve my application... Now maybe I should start working some of the things already.. anyway. thanks Mr Teo...

Alrights, nothing much already... I really love today trainiing.. its been a long time since I undergo such trainings.. I really missed it... though aching and pain all over the whole body... but I would prefer that then being a slacky person who cant perform on court.. and someone who is being looked down by the coach because you are not fit...

I LOVE TRAINING!!! I LOVE TOUGH TRAINING!!!! I LOVE TRAINING THAT IS TIRING!!!! THIS IS HOW IT TRAIN YOUR MENTAL!!!! I LOVE MR TEO'S TRAINING!!!! I LOVE LIVEWIRE...HAHAHAHA.... I WILL ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD FOR IT!!!!!

~*alone again at
2:49 AM

Thursday, July 21, 2005

Ohh... I hate this man!!!! I got A does it matter to you!? Why must it annouced to the whole class about me havng this A? Oh freak! Maybe I just dont like you therefore I got this pissed off and when yy asked me about it.. I get even more angier...

Hmm... had web multimedia UT today... oh god.. it sucks!!! It is tricky I should say.. not sure what I can get man.. gods!!! arrgggh...

Hahaha... know what? I slept on the train back home... and well... this lady who sat beside woke me up by tapping on me... oh god... I am so tired that I didnt even wake up at Pasir Ris.. God... -.- hahaha....

Hmm.... anything else? I dont know.. I am very tired.. and tmorrow is OS.. -.-... sians... bored... headache... maybe really falling sick...

~*alone again at
10:01 PM

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Hmm.. woke up at 1pm today.. guess was just too tired.... then somemore she never reply if she wants to have lunch... so therefore went late lorhs...

After that... went to watch the friendly... and then well.. sort of being lectured by him lah... but seriously I have no intention or it was done purposely lohs... that wasnt my thinking and... yah... thats its all la...

Seen improvements.. hopefully it will be like this... =) and... next year the result is good =)

Hmm.. after that went for dinner... told them about me in Sports Club already... oh well... he said this, "Yunru, remember you choose this..." well.. then he asked if I udnerstand what he meant then he said, "Dont complain when you couldnt cope with other things or when the work is shitty because you chose this..."

Hmm... well.. thanks for the reminder... and... yup.. guess so... I need to keep remind myself about it.. because I chose this myself... yes... Ididnt want it at first.. but at the end... after some persuation.. I chose it.. so at the end of it.. its really me who chose this... so I must make sure I dont complain... Now I am just worried the position I will get once I got in... I am the only one who had the experienced in SC.... shrugs.. see how it goes....

Actually quite true man... because looking at it... now having a position in 'livewire' lers... then now going in SC... then I still got my PPM to do... and lots of things... well.. one year of experience.... I must make sure I can do it... whatever it is.. think its still early to say... and well.. actions speaks louder than words...

Anyway... I am really trying hard to sperate work and personal stuffs already... hope it does work for 1 year... =) and... yah thats all..

SUNDAY!!!! WOOTS!!!! HOPE ITS A SUNNY DAY!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHHAHA!!!!! =p

~*alone again at
10:09 PM

Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Finally... our final product is done... and well.. like I told Kenneth... we will try our best to be one of the team that is chosen... and... yes.. indeed we had made it! =)

I am so happy about it.. alrights? I spent the whole night working on it yesterday.. editing.. and make sure the start goes well... and know what I wants to do... everything turn out to be fine... I am so glad about it.. alrights? I mean this was really well done larhs... I like my editing with some nice effects.. =) Wootsss... hahaha...

Oh well.. thanks to my actress and actor larhs.. they done a great job and made the audience to laugh... and I think because ours got a few new scenes... thats why its like a little new to them also... yupx.. =) Thanks yq.. =)

But I really learnt hwo to use movie maker now.. and its like... I really love those editing larhs... ok... its really cool and fun lors.. especially when you could get the effect out of your expectation... I did manage to get some good result from those editing.. whcih I am glad and proud of myself.. heessh... and managed to find out new things... yupx.. =) heesh... =)

At the end of the presentation... when kenneth said, "got improvements.." a sigh of relief... and when our MV was chosen as one of the best... I really felt very happy... because its really nice... as because 2nd week RJ i did told him I expected alot from this and also hoping our MV to be one of the best.. and when yesterday IM him... was saying that we will try our best.. and we really made it... so.. its really happy larhs... =)

The effort is being paid off now.... all my hardwork wasnt gone into the drain... =) yUpx... next is 3D animation already... wootsx... hahaha.... hopefully I can tahan this... and straight As from now....

Not just Web multi... I sincerely hope all my grades now is going up... so that my GPA wont be that bad... and yes.. applying for bursary.. since like this time round my dad had lost his part-time job liao... so guess.. I need to get money whatever I can... and save it... and since I really wish to go Uni... and so.. yupx.. hopefully I could get the 2k busary...

Hmm... anything else? Hmm... guess not... feeling real tired.. oh yes.. something...

Clicking with my classmates now... =) woots... though slow.. but it nice feeling you seE? Especially when having fun and stuffs.. lOlx... hopefully stay it this way... and well.. hope I wont chnage my mind for Sunday.. and be a burnt yunru with them... =)

~*alone again at
11:36 PM

I have never felt this way? I mean its been a long time...

Today I had a bad start and I started to worry about the rest of my day.. because I always heard people saying once you got a bad start... the rest of the day wont go well also...

My alarm went off at 6.50am.. but seeing my mother wants to use the toilet first.. therefore I went back to sleep.. after that... I over slept till 7.10am.. when my mum woke me up... then left house at about 7.30am which is LATE...

I board the bus, ezlink card insufficient cash.. and then I never bring coins to school because everyday will keep my coins... then after that Kelly also dont have coins... and a very nice uncle saved me by giving me 80cents... but he thought I am a malay and he speak to me in malay.... =X Thanks uncle! =)

Well after that... I went to check what is wrong with my card... because I removed from Giro-link... damn... itchy hands I had... and caused this.. and actually spent about 10mins talking to the SMRT person about my card.. damn.... I am so late already... but I dont really bother... =X

Next... I found out that I had forgotten to bring my handphone extra battery!!! I am like so worried about it... because today there are sooo many things I got to settle... then early morning already start to have sms about the club and stuffs... so all I did was just like off vibration and sound and keep checking the phone... due to that.. I cant sleep... damn... anyway was chatting with kelly also...

Reached school.. was hoping miracle do happen to my laptop... so that I can install VB for my class lesson.. but... I am so wrong!!! No miracle even worst!!! Therefore went down to IT helpdesk... then realised I need to leave my laptop for 3hrs over there... so no laptop all the while during my 1st and 2nd meeting... gosh...

Then it started to rain soooo heavily!!! Was thinking today match is it going to postponed? But well... slowly.. everything turning fine... Rain stoppped... sun coming out.... then class ends like 4pm? I got 1hour to talk about my MTV tomorrow.. though nothing much... but still not too bad... AND THE THING is... I ACHIEVED A for my OS UT!!!!! I LOVE IT!!!! I REALLY LOVE IT!!!! THIS MAKE MY DAY ALREADY!!! And yesh.. I achieved A from KENNETH!!!!! This was what that really make me happy.. and make my tiredness away!!! Two As!!!! Alrights????!!! WOOooosh!!! hahahah... =X I love it!!! Lolx... well... because of this.. i am going to work harder from now... as in.. dont wish these As become wasted!!! WORK HARD!!!!

Anyway, I got the answers from everyone.. or I should say from the 12 of them... then finally made the decision to have our name as 'Live Wire' as majority chosen this... then finally... filled up the form... BUT! realised I forget to find ES school address from the net... and well since need to ask Mr Teo things.. therefore called him about it... oops.. say me dont know my school... =X But... finally this club is uP!!! On the 15th of July 2005!!!! =)

Alright... submitted the forms... finally the burden on my shoulder is liften up... =) RP is sending two teams too... =) Well straight into my game already.. I need to do work soon...

Game... hmmm.. started as WD... and due to that.. the stress level is lowered... but started not very well... but still tried lorhs... then after that C ... hmm... I find myself pia-ing liao!!! =) heesh... but sick man.. lots of mistakes alrhs... then tony still say lesser? dotss... its like sooo many lors... but I am sooo happy to be able 2 pass to cheryl... 2 balls I Guess.. +) heesh... then arrgghhh.. so angry... 2 balls I TOUCHED the ball.. but unable to get it!!! Argggh!!! Then also like... arggghh... nevermind.. but still think today still not too bad overall larhs.. though still got those dont know where to run... but alot of time.. I just stand there.. wait for my atatckers to do the job... well done RP.. league over... =)

Things that I need to do now... :
1. Train my stamina up lerhs... I supposed I am going to join ES for training on Wed too...
2. Train up my strength... which means ES training too...
3. RUnning... hopefully every weekend can run with YY.. and let her teach me.. =)
4. My passing... soft liao... ES training =) hahaha...

Hopefully for 1,2,4 Mr Teo dont mind larhs... heesh... =)

Anyway, thanks Janelle and Dr Loke from comign.. when they came stress sia... but still got to do my job lars...

And most importanly... thanks Ms Goh and Mr Teo... Ms goh cause like this is the last match liao.. then she going IE... then like.. hey lady.. I didnt play badly hors! Mr Teo thanks.. for helpin me to tape... heesh... =) Thanks the 2 of you from coming... =)

Hmm... alrights.. its time to start working now... gues nothing much to blog already... YES got... arrrgggghhhh... my back super painful again!!! dAMN!!!! then also my ankle larhs.. super painful also... die manx.. shit.. think its time to rest a while then.... then fell down like twice? then got once like almost sprained lorhs.. arggghs... idiots.. so mengx me today.. hahahah... but I like it.. because I FOUND MYSELF ON COURT!!!! I mean.. its been rather long since I so pia on court lors.. then cause of that my stamina dropped like hell lorhs... so sick la.. then its time.. its time to get everything back now!!!! Pain is nothing!!! =S hahaha... but its sooo aching lars... hope tomorrow ok liao larhs.. hehee.. =) Really larhs.. I think its been quite long since I really pia myself.. now.. I really did alot.. ignoring whatever injury I am going to get or what.. =)

Alrights... Yunru is slowly getting back on court!!! YY!!! YOU ARE LOSING TO ME!!!! BUCK UP!!!! Now... club is up... studies almost getting abck... the yunru on court also... its =) Its about improving and and maintaing the standard.. preveting to drop.. NOW...!!!

ok.. time to do my MTV lers... =)

~*alone again at
12:01 AM

Monday, July 18, 2005

Nothing much... just a sentence...

"Time shall decides if we are meant to be..."

I do hope for the best... but I am tired and no longer having the strength or will to do anything.... if its not meant to be... then I shall not brood over it....

I am sorry for whatever I had done...

Nothing much I can say now also... I also dont know what I should say... but alot of things for me to do... shakes head...

~*alone again at
12:17 AM

Monday, July 11, 2005

Didnt know I am still affected!!! (10th July 2005)

Thanks to kel's blog... I realised I am still affected by the match... almost tearing again... Why cant I just let go of it? Was the impact really so bad? -sighs-

I really dont know what I should do! I keep thinking after NL I wont be chosen once again, and I will be out of RP-netball again! I dont know... I am sad... I am very upset... I dont wish to be not chosen... I would rather leave then not chosen...

"I dont have Centre anymore"... "After NL, I will re-shuffle the team"... "Some Year1s might be in"...."You joined club, you should know what to do"..."You should improved!"..."Look at PR, she knows what to do even she is not a C"..."You are a C, you are the brain of the team!"..."I booked everyone of you 1st for off-season league.. no one is allow to join their club unless I said you are not representing for RP"

DONT SAY SO MUCH WHEN YOU DONT EVEN BOTHER TO TEACH ME ANYTHING!!!!

Mr Teo might be harsh when he scold say something like it is irritating that you keep asking for the ball, cant the me, the words he used might be 100% harsher than you but I always get what he meant and at least I know what I am supposed to after that!!! I could get very upset and down after he scold me but I understand!!!!! The attackers cant do the job is it? But I understand... I understand because I can create problem for the passser!!! He can say stop lifting up your bloody leg... but I udnerstand because by doing so I am inceasing the possibilty of footwork!!! He can even tell me whats my problem!!!

WHAT CAN YOU DO!!!??? He is not paid, he can even do such a good job!!!! I am really tired... All you could say is, "you should know because you are a C"..."you played so well last year, why not this year?"..."why you are not improving?" ALL you know is put players down and not utter any words? Maybe everyone is saying I should learn by myself, yes... I tried.. but when I asked you.. you should be able to answer me? Rather than saying "you should know!!!"

I shall see after NL how it goess.... but when you dont need me... just tell me man...I want go back to my team!!!

(11th July 2005)
Today went to Kallang watch their match... its their very last match... oh well.. I can shout whatever I can.. I can see everything... but I keep thinking about my match this coming Wednesday... I really dont know... I am feeling so much fear that I can teared any moment...

Even thought of going to see doctor for my ankle and then thats it... I dont need to play on Wednesday... but I know inside this isnt what I want!!! But I am really scared... I am soo scared of Wednesday... I really dont wish to play C.. will Peiru able to play C for all four quarters? (I am crying)

The fear is now sooo great... is just like the game before Extreme!!! I was so scared.. but I really think this fear is worse.... Any moment I think about it... I willl be so quiet... thinking and worrying about it...

"A sudden impulse?? Looking at my badminton racket now... looking at my trophy... after what happened today... My mind is just badminton...I still could recall how I got in badminton during Primary school.... When I was in p2... I was in table tennis with Kelly... then we quitted... then joined badminton... I joined cause my sister was once in there.... then that was p3...There is this selection... those who knows how to hold will get in... I was the last few being selected.... I supposed my coach saw my desperate look... and bring me in... every training I will train hard... and learn... and by p5... I got into the school team.... and I was the main player... most of the time I played last singles.... my 1st game was against EVPS in my school.. I was afraid... because everyone won their opponent easily... and it was my turn... easily kill her with 11-0, 11-1....victory is sweeet.... very sweeet!!!Strongest opponent is St hilda.... we won 3-2... that day I was even having high fever.... but I was there... but my teacher just said... its ok... we had won... just tried your best... well.... my opponent is a very good player... though lost... but i think the result was rather ok...Got ou 1st trophy... its 1st in Changi DIstrict! We go into national... we were out... but... ....ALl are past... I really dont know why... had always been having the urge to go back.... especially when I see good rackets.... =(" --> This was actually what I wanted to blog after the match...

I really dont know... but I could feel the great fear inside me... what can I do other than worrying? I look at how Mr Teo, HuiYing, Perrine hwo they play C... but I realised the play was so different in RP... In ES, the C is a holding position waiting for the defence to bring the ball down... and in ES... its the attackers who will bring the ball once it leave the defence third...

I dont know... I really dont know... I am thinking almost all the time... even Friday training, as I was playing.. I was telling myself to learn from Mr Teo... I see him hold most of the time letting the rest of the players do the job... I did that during FMSS match... but they couldnt do it... and when I go in... I clashed with them!!!! And today as time-keeper... I was telling myself to learn from them... I even ask Perrine how to defence... what else must I do???

I really dont wish to cry... dont wish to cry for RP netball anymore... I love RP netball... I want to represent for RP... I want to play for team... want to proceed to anywhere with the team.... I dont wish to cry.. dont wish to be a dread for the team... dont wish to be a burden...

Tell me... tell me what else must I do...??? I really dont know... haish...

Studies... oh well.. I am trying... trying really hard... giving everything... socialize with the clas... trying also... I am doing alot alot of things already.... I really dont know... going into depression once again.... I still cannot get my A!!!!!!!!

Jo, Lex... I am so sorry that I keep missing the appointments I made with you guys... I am sorry!!!! Give me some more time.... please.... forgive me.... I do miss you guys too... but give me some more time.... sorry....

~*alone again at
11:29 PM

Friday, July 08, 2005

Oh my goodness... I am so guai!!!

Hahaha... today I am so guai... this is the first time after so long when I eat late dinner that I wash my plates!!! Hahaha... I cleaned up the table, washed up the plates... just that doesnt know how to wash the pot... hee... but realised I am so guai!!! hahaha

Still thinking whether to go for the election... Do I really want it? I am now already struggling in my studies and I know I will want to do something fo the club and I still have RP netball... Its like though meeting once a week but when there is event I know it will be a tough time... Especially if I am going to be project? Or when I want to go for a position.... so should I or shouldnt I?

Oh no... my ankle is really tired... Twisted twice in a row just that it wasnt serious sprained but then after yesterday doing the balancing board... it was really tired.. and just now when I was playing, it hurts or should I say it aches!!! Gosh!!!

How have my studies been like now? Hmm... Semester 3, term 1, it started pretty ok for me... but the grades I have yet to get it.. so I dont know how it goes because its like I know I have done what I am supposed to but sometimes you just dont get what you expect... but like I had decided, if once again somethings happen like this, I am going to negotiate with all my facilitators already...

Shall blog next time.. today I blogged because I realised I am so guai.. hahaha

~*alone again at
12:16 AM

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Fall down once again... tears flowed almost every moment I think about it... its so hard to be trying to be happy while inside the heart hurts so much... I do try not to think about it, but this time seems so hard...

I always thought once I sleep and wake up, everything will appear as a dream.. but I am so wrong... I did think about it...

Well, during lesson I wasnt really that affected because today was Web Multimedia and kenneth do make my day and of cause my teammates... Today did some shooting... have fun doing it... I still dont know my grades for this... and Kenneth still remember our bet... hahaha... =X

The shooting was rather fine... its the coming up with storyboard that cracks our brain... and now sort of I am so keen to come up with the storyboard and scenes =) hahaha....

Well, now shall talk about the irritating thing... I had test today... SQL... well it sucks!!! My laptop gave me problem once again... it couldnt load before 8.40am and due to that... I was forfeited to do the test for only 20mins!

I really do hope to sell away this laptop... Hmm.. Kenneth is like selling away his laptop... and if he sell me cheap and I can sell away mine... I might consider... LoLx...

Election for Sports Club is now officially open!!! I really dont know whether I should take up this challenge.... Well getting into Sports club, and being one of the MC is really very good experience for me.. and since now no more coaching for me... I can become the MC... but by going for the election and if I do get in... means I must decide between netball and badminton... since now I sort of decided to go for badminton... headache... headache... headache....

Once start school so many things happening... haish... all I did was sighing....

~*alone again at
12:32 AM

Monday, July 04, 2005

Its so hectic and tiring!

Wah! Last Friday I did the powerpoint! Today I do the SQL myself! Oh my god!!! Its so hectic and tiring!!! I am back to work already... but its so tiring... BUT I need to be like this till the end of my school term so that I can improve on my grades...

GOD!!! I am so tired now!!! But I am HAPPY because now I know my work!!!! =) Its so nice to get do so much without much help!!!! Hooray!!! A pat for myself!!! =)

Well, actually I dont expect to do anything... was actually thinking of even to sleep to get enough rest... but really doubt so lerhs... =p I am soooo tired now!!!! I have done work for the whole damn day!!!!

~*alone again at
1:39 PM

I am someone who is not easily TIRED!

I am someone who is hungry for the ball! - I am confident to get the ball when I want to do any interceptions!

I am someone who makes a difference in the team!

I am someone who is able to play to my fullest!

~*alone again at
1:25 AM

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Put everything aside..... lets have a self-talk and visualisation session for tomorrow...

Tomorrow game with FMSS - court 2! A game that determines our standings! There is still game with SIA, but if we were to lose to FMSS, we need not talk about SIA's match.

FMSS, no doubt they are a strong team. They have rather strong ends.... Yes, we might lose to them but not going to give up at this point of time. If our mindset is losing obviously we will lose... but even people can say here I am being stupid to keep thinking there is a chance to win when there isnt.. I am sorry.. I am not stupid!

Anyway, losing or winning isnt my objectives now. I need to focus on myself, which is what is controllable... because winning and losing is beyond my control... But my performance, about 80% is within my control! Because its all in my MIND again!

Whatever he does, he said to me before that put me down.. its all erased! I will prove to him something else... negative attitude? No way! I shall put a strong positive attitude tomorrow then!

Its my mind!! Its my mind!!! Its ALL IN MY MIND!!!!

I am at KNC for a purpose again - To do my very best again!

Its all in my mind! I am not going to let you despise me again! Its all for myself!

Good luck to myself!

Court 2, 7pm, KNC, FMSS - ALL WAITING FOR ME...

~*alone again at
9:38 PM

Haish.... never I will learn my lesson!!!

When? When? When? When will I ever learn from my mistake? This bad habit of mine been sticking with me for so many years, and cause of this it had actually make me regret alot of times... but NEVER I will learn from it...

Time and indecisiveness is always the cause.. BUT NEVER I AM LEARNING!!! I want "it" so much.... but due to my this bad habit.. I might never get "it"!!!! I had always want "it", and never I had the chance to do sooo...... I might get the chance now to get "it" but still.. I need to change my this bad habit before I get "it".... because its for every one good!!!!!

OH!!!! When will I ever learn!!!!???/ Tell me!!!! This time I really want "it" soooo much that I can ever dreamt that if I lose "it" I will be sooooo upset!!!! And even I get "it" I MUST get rid of my bad habit... arrrggggghhhhh!!!! DAMN!!!!!

Straight 2times, or maybe I should say 3 times... cause of my damn bad habit... I regretted sooo greatly... I regretted sooo much... now again.... bad habit came up... and HE 'told me off' and make me sooo speechless.... because it hits straight to 'it'!!!! DAMN!!!! I really got to change.. if not when I dont get 'it'... I guess... that will be the time when I really learn... but... before I regret not getting 'it'... I think I better learn now.. and change... and try to make decision faster....

~*alone again at
8:42 PM

HAHAHA... Guess I am really scared to fail or what bahx.... I was actually studying for my test for Tuesday because Monday I got match therefore I know I cant study.. Oh god... I am so guai!!! But haish... I know I cant do well... =(

~*alone again at
5:18 PM

Oh!!! Its so damn unfair but again - which idiot tells you the world is fair? But cant people just make it fair?

Monday is Youth day, again I dont have this holiday! I remember last year I can pon class to go enjoy myself with them.. but this year is a 100 of NOs because I am doing badly for class and I cant pon at all...

Why!? People is 18, I am also 18, why are they enjoying this holiday and I am not? Saying because they wear Uniform and we dont, is it being reasonable? If thats the case, I would rather wear uniform. Saying we no longer youth!? CRAP! We are also 18! And some even still 17!!!! So crappy!

We dont enjoy the privellge of having bus fare of 55cents and even hoilday we are also being deprived from! Oh god!!! Crapz!!! Just sooooo crappy!!!

Im so upset about it... because those idiots, especially tong, jinshu and adeline who typed online... saying about it... eeeks... irritating fellows... hmpf~~~

Worse off.. Monday is our day... 4th July! Match against FMSS... oh man.... those players enjoying their holiday, having enough rest then have the game... and we have to study since morning then have the tiring game!!! Oh gOD! Haish!!! Crappppssss!!!!

Argggghhh... I had spent all the money I saved!!!! Dots!!!! Saved quite a sum of money by haivng dinner at home... not eating so much in school... not buying snacks... and... I spent all today!!!! GOD!!!! Spent on foood!!! and a anklet... and a string on the neck... godddd!!!!

I finally found the sports bag... hmm.. but they say I dont suit it.... but I really want the bag lorhs... hmm.. well... I had saved $30 of coins... now is another $15 to buy that bag!!! I think I will still get that bag because I like it!!! And its like my birthday is coming... so I shall just reward myself a bag for that.. wahahaha.... =p

The next time when I go Queensway... I shall get that!!! I dont care!!! Sicne my sports bag is going to spoil soon alsooo... =) Shoe... I have yet to see one to my liking... therefore I shall just wait till I see it.... maybe I saw one... but maybe its expensive... so I shall wait.... Adidas sports bad is waiting for me!!!

That time I save my money is only for fun.. just thinking that I had spent too much... therefore its time to save.. now.. hahaha.... going to spend it away.. god... but ... its ok!!! I dont care if my mum is going to scold me... =p

~*alone again at
12:15 AM

Friday, July 01, 2005

"I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15…there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man but you see
I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose yourself
Within a morning star

15… I'm all right with you
15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live…
Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are
15… there's still time for you
22… I feel her too
33… you’re on your way
Every Day's a new Day
15… there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15… there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live "

This is just so nice...
15 - a stage when all still dreaming away... hoping to be 20 soon... hoping to be adult soon... it is also a time when you can dream whatever you want... because you have 85years of life to go...
22 - when started to be dating
33 - when you got a kid and family to take care of
45 - start to have problems
67 - when you know you are getting smart, then you know you only with only 33years to go
99 - the time you are dying soon... thinking back...

~*alone again at
11:12 PM

Yesterday night couldnt sleep despite I was very tired. I lie on my bed at around 1.50am then 3.50am I still awake!!! I just couldnt stop resting my mind! And its like today I am having a test, and I need to be there on the dot and yet I couldnt sleep!!! Hopefully I dont get another insomia later on... but maybe yesterday was because I was too happy and then worried about my test... because I had done badly for 2 therefore I scared again..

But well, the test was very badly done too... totally no confidence of getting a good grades either! I even had a bet with my facilitator, if I were to get a B grade I would treat him anything he wants! So we shall see how it goes...

I heard so much things and recalled so much things! I feel like laughing and also do feel angry and also alot of things lah... oh well... not going to comment much either....

Today had game with Spitfire... wah... supposed I am getting old... therefore couldnt get used of playing netball consecutively! Its like consecutively 3days I have been playing netball and now my back is aching again and then my ankle not very well conditioned also... and some of my muscles are aching too... oh god... I AM OLD!!!

Today game, well... was not really well-played... suddenly I realised I play C better than WD... then yesterday I played rather alright as WD (but maybe shouldnt use yesterday match)... but -shrugs- so weird.. but now I dont really care what position I get already.... I am happy once I am able to play.. feeling like going for a full body massage... my whole body is tired!!!

Tomorrow is the last day of school... and that means another 9 weeks of lesson to go... I had endure another week... way to go...

Anyway... its time for me to voice out to my facilitator already... I think this is really very crappy... when I totally dont attend class and just show face... I get a C and when I do work... help out and stuffs... i also get C.... this really give me the thinking of faking reason not to be in class and then anyhow get a C! Well.. maybe its really time to voice out this!!! I deserve my B and at the same time I deserve a D or F on Monday!!!

Java!!! Haish... it sucks!!! I really think I am going to spend another 1semester studying Java.. and maybe Operating system... when both of my module predicted grade is a D!!! So well done right? -shakes head-

1st of July already!!! Spent 7month already! Time flies man! Alright... shall sleep already... good nite...

~*alone again at
12:24 AM