Life is a series of problem. What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one."
Will I be strong enough to accept it and my life wont be difficult? This year, is fully filled with downs. When will it ever be gone?
Will I be strong enough to handle and accept it?
Am I strong enough to do everything right? Will I?
Thursday, March 31, 2005
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~*alone again at Haha.. do I look MAN here? LoLx... so many people said I do! =) What a compliment! =) Hee... Hmm.. this was taken for fun.... Do I look cool and stylo here? Alrights man! This is 2nd piece other than my MENG picture that I love the most! I look so sweet can!? Hee... Ok.. for this being so successful to be uploaded.. I must thank 2 person... first is my good buddy, weisheng... because of him I have all these photos.. haha.. always use his phone while in class and he would just look at me and laugh at me... hahaha... and next is my dar... tong tong.. she taught me how to upload these photos.. hee hee... I love these pictures! =) MuacKS!
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12:28 PM
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
In the fall, when you see geese heading south for the winter, flying along in the "V" formation, you may be interested in knowing what science has discovered about why they fly that way.
It has been learned that as each bird flaps its wings it creates uplift for the bird immediately following. By flying in a "V" formation, the whole flock adds at least 71% greater flying range than if each bird flew on its own.
Quite similar to people who are part of a team and share a common direction....they get where they are going quicker and easier because they are traveling in the trust of one another and lift each other up along the way.
Whenever a goose falls out of formation, it suddenly feels the drag and resistance of trying to go through it alone and quickly gets back into formation to take advantage of the power of the flock.
If we have as much sense as a goose we will stay in formation and share information with those who are headed in the same way that we are going.
When the lead goose gets tired he rotates back in the wings and another goose takes over. It pays to share leadership and take turns doing hard jobs.
Heart rates of the birds were lower when flying in a "V" formation rather than when flying solo. It allows them to glide more often, conserving energy. Each bird has an unobstructed field of vision, allowing flock members to see each other and communicate while in flight.
The geese honk from behind to encourage those up front to keep their speed. Words of support and inspiration help energize those on the front line, helping them to keep pace in spite of the day to day pressures and fatigue. It is important that our "honking" be enouraging. Otherwise, its just----well......honking !
Finally, when a goose gets sick or wounded and falls out, two geese fall out of the formation and follow the injured one down to help and protect him. They stay with him until he is either able to fly again or until he is dead. Then they launch out with another formation to catch up with their group.
When one of us is down, its up to the others to stand by us in our time of trouble.
If we have the sense of a goose we will stand by each other when things get rough. We will stay in formation with those headed where we want to go.
The next time you see a formation of geese, remember their message that:
IT IS INDEED A REWARD, A CHALLENGE AND A PRIVILEGE TO BE A CONTRIBUTING MEMBER OF A TEAM."
5:57 PM
Still awake... oops... hahaha... finished packing.. and read some pages.. and waiting fo my antivirus to complete its scanning.. so come here and blog a little... but theres nothing much to blog.. cause I am already tired.. I think I spend 45mins reading already.. so eyes already got a little tired.. and brain isnt working anymore.. but the computer is so slow... -.- can I just let my computer off by itself? heee.. hwo I wish man.. so tired now.. and want to wake up tomorrow to carry on reading.. and somemore spotted some important things already... so ned to re read and write it down... dengs.. tired.. maybe just take a nap... then wake up in 10mins to see if its done.. gd nitex..
3:46 AM
Haha.. back here again when I packed halfway... cause it was just too messy.. sorry... I guess I just want to write about something when I packed and think...
When will they wake up? I am so glad to hear my tong tong is trying hard to pay attention in class and writing notes in Mrs Loh's(hope I spelled correctly) class... I was so happy to hear this seriously... she starting to wake up already? Hopefully... BUT I still see my shadows in them.. I realised how childish I was when I was still in ES... blaming the teachers when it was my own fault, blaming everyone... but not myself... thinking that teachers have to DO EVERYTHING for us....
I really dont wish to see anybody in my situation... I can keep telling people RP's life is fine, my course is alright... but I regret not able to study well enough to get into CI.. one regret I have is I can actually get into CI if I were to pass my English last year.. I keep telling people, if I had a chance, I will choose to restart my secondary school life again... BUT this is just a dream and it will never become reality again.. I really hope that all my juniors will be able to wake up now and not till they recieved their result...
Tong... you are trying already.. please hang in there.. ok? You can do it... I believe in you.. really... maintain this attitude and do it well... you are not alone... Sai and HY sometimes did talk to me about you... they are worry about you also.. so.. jiayou! dont give up...
JS, Gua, SW... its near... its really near... like I told my colleague... do it once and for all... I know you guys hate nagging.. but I need to remind you all constantly.. can do it.. do it... and you guys can do it one.. dont be lazy.. DONT BE LIKE ME! dont regret at the end of it... jiayou... be humble... there are 3 subjects which are super important... English, Maths and Sciences... teachers might tell you Eng is the most impt.. but you fail maths you cant get in most of the courses.. without Sci.. you cant get in alot of courses also.. I really seen alot of cases... my friends one by one having difficulties... please... work hard... not saying only these 3... bear in mind humanities is one criteria to get in JC also... so.. work hard for all the subjects.. so you wont have any regrets... get in JC if you can... seeing myself unable to get into local Uni.. its really super sad already. so I dont wish to have juniors liek me... i want them to be more successful then me.. so.. work hard... !
Alrights.. gones... to pack my stuffs again.. so tomorrow I can start reading and making notes.. and get ready n wednesday.. haha.. like so fast.. no larhs.. pack now so I can spend whole day reading tomorrow.. =) luckily got alot of drinks and tidbits at home.. wahahha...
12:53 AM
Monday, March 28, 2005
Miss Goh just made me scared... she is going for her ppt on friday.. well when I am free I always look at NIE website... after today then I realised its hard to pass the ppt... she missed it by 1 point... and seriously she is quite alright... at least she knows gymnast.. gymnastic I know nuts.. front roll, back roll I also dont know .. still talk about cartwheel? -.- then thata stupid girl keep asking me to look at her, so I just say what I observe.. but seriously.. looking at her.. I feel the fear.. though is like I still have another 2years if going straight after poly.. or 3 to 4years if I want to get a degree after my poly... so its like.. erms... -.- still long... hmm.. maybe I shant scare myself so much.. haha.. anyway.. good luck.. hope you pass this time round.. =)
Remember my promise about going back Wushu after year1... its time to think about it.. I know I really love to learn wushu... everytime watching any movie or show with wushu, really give me the temptation to learn... I can even dream about me in wushu yesterday... how stupid can I be actually... thinking about it.. will I be able to forgo and let go of them and learn wushu in year2? I quitted wushu because of them and because of basketball... now wondering whether is it a good choice... but I know I will still be able to learn if I really got the heart to learn... handling 3 CCAs and 1 club and 1 project in year 2.. can I? I dont wish to give up basketball too... neither will I give up netball... CLUB need not to say.. I will enver quit it... joining wushu.. haish.. I really want to learn.. but.. haish.. not to mention I actually still need to make a decision whether to stay in Sports Club... arghhhh... -.-
I have given up a little hope in getting into local Uni already... not being able to be top 5% in RP had already let me know... now I supposed I just need to be maintain my GPA and get into oversea Uni which is going to be regconised in Singapore... and after that go into NIE and do what I always wanted... a PE teacher...
No more sec4s around... it had became rather quiet already... even after training... maybe its just the start of everything... guess so...
Woo hoo.. =) Got the books... its time to read up and do notes... I had wasted my hols... and so now its time to "bu chang"... hahaha... maybe its time to file up those coaching related things.. or netball things... and maybe to print out my lesson plans... so I will be more organised and maybe it will be better then now... yeahs.. tonight so many things to do.. no longer wasting time... =)
4 more days to go.. =) Heee... 4 more days to training.. cool isnt it? But seriously I have certain fears... only miss goh will understand that... well.. I just hope it will never happen... and so the club will stay on and on and on and on... =)
Guess tomorrow shant go out... I shall spend my time in packing and arranging everything... now its seems rather messy already... and maybe like I said.. got to file up all netball and coaching related stuffs together... also having 2 books in hand.. I need to read and also to write down important things... yeah... =)
NYAA... arghs... die... HUBBY, I am not giving up... !!! dont worry.. and I will not... IF, IF something goes wrong.. I will then find my camp myself... ok.. sorry first IF that really happens... but I will try not to let it happen.. and I will return you that 10bucks.. dont worry about it... =)
10:45 PM
Sunday, March 27, 2005
In 15mins time, I will be bathing and getting ready to work.
In 30mins time, I will be off to work.
In 1hr time, I will be at my work place.
In 5hrs time, I will be off duty.
In 5hrs 30mins time, I will at home. This is what I am hoping for.
2:04 PM
Guess because it was just so last minute that is why the number of people is so few... not just that it was slightly bored... and.. I shouldnt have brought my laptop... because of that someone will use and the rest will be like doing nothing... and lots lots more... but this chalet had make 1 person become our 'mum'... she cleaned up the table for us, take the water from the pantry for us, make cup noodles for us and she stopped me from eating Tom Yam noodle because she knows my stomach isnt well yet.. RIGHT CHERYL!? hahaha.. I had disclose the person name... oops... I kept laughing at her... because knowing her, she doesnt clean her own room but she did it here... haha... I remembered saying this in the 2nd day morning, "wah lau, are we girls? we are so super messy..." Our toilet was messy because at the basin there, our toiletries anyhow place... then came out.. our bed was so messy too... blanket anywhere... bags anywhere... everything anywhere... those food we ate the previous day, also just placed it there.. hahahah...
1st night was rather bored... nothing much to do.. and I was blamed because I watched "san guo yan yi" then everyone almost fell asleep cause of that.. wahahhaha.... =x but there wasnt any nice show that they wanted to watch.. and therefore I watched my "san guo yan yi"... oh ya.. everyone arrived at 10plus... eat our dinner... hahaha... most of us slept at about 3am...
2nd day.. woke up.. went to the MAC to have our breakfast.. then we went to play arcade... just crazy fellows... then after that they went to whitesand to play.. I went back because having stomachace and then I felt asleep... in the noon when they came back.. noisily banging the door.. but as usual... thats sai... then we slacked in the room.. till evening time... ms goh came... and then at the same time we ordered pizza.. therefore sai and jane went to fetch our pizza and miss goh.. well.. they are soooo smart.. because... they didnt bring mney go.. in the end miss goh paid for us... must remember to return her... after that ate our pizza... then watch TV... play cards... then Mr Teo came.. then later after a while went to bowl... wahahahah.. all the lameness start to come from him... then tong also... haiyox... btw.. before that it was a scary moment... dont wish to list it dwon.. =x then bowl le went to cheers... then went back... haha.. our aircon was spoilt therefore he went back.. hee hee.. then i got my bed back... =) wahahhaha...
Thats all for the chalet... just that after check out.. we went to bowl again.. then later we went to swim... then later sai n i went to meet my hubby for movie.. then home sweet home... =)
*how I wish today is monday! i hate today.. because I got to work... sians....* And even I dont quit.. I'm going to tell him that I cant work on ALL sats... because fri is training till 9pm.. it definately be a tiring day for me..
12:39 PM
Saturday, March 26, 2005
:D Happiness.. because.. confirmation of training this coming FRIDAY!!!! woohoo... woosh... so happy can... wahhaha... Monday meeting with SC... then guess going back cause of soemthing... then tuesday.. erms.. plan for my wednesday training... then wednesday training... then thursday.l. erms.. dont know.. friday.. training.. den at night also training.. wooossssshhhh... WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! =) goody good...
tom bored.. sians...
9:45 PM
Ha... really GPA of 3.0... I remembered Ms Leung once said before, to bring your GPA up is difficult... the only you can do is try to make sure it is the same.. well.. its was so wrong... someone managed to increase the GPA... but well I cant do it.. I decrease my GPA by 0.1... it may sounds nothing... but it really means something... again no more top 5%... well... I dug my own grave.. thats what I can say only... gave up at the mid of the semester.... didnt bother much... and just do for the sake of doing... so.. hahahahahaha... this is what I got.... just a 3.0 then... work harder next semester thats what I can say only... but it had got difficult... so... shrugs... see how long can I maintain this 3.0....
Hmm... its really time to get some more stuffs and know more.... if not... I really out of ideas and might just make things worse... guess will ask or what...
Tomorro working.. damn.. fuking fuking sians... I said I doesnt want to work for this 2 months.. I need the rest and break.. and time to do my stuffs... yet... bloody shit... maybe its really time to quit.. but haish.. I really dont know... damn.. im BROKE...
aarghhhshshsss... bored.... arghhhsss... didnt blog about chalet.. but I am tired.. so.. guess tomorrow or something... bue...
8:43 PM
Thursday, March 24, 2005
What is wrong again!? Tell me.. let me know... dont keep it... I really had enough... enough.. enough... damn... keep telling myself not to bother... keep telling myself to forget it.. but I cant... arghhh... shant bother much... shall try my best... arghhh...
8:49 PM
Hahahaha... they moderate the result... and so... my 2nd semester result is... 4Bs and 1 C+.... waahahhahahahahahahaha... what a joke.... I only got 2.7 and I got a B... haish.... but seriously add my sem1 result... it will be 3.0???? ^o) hmmm... if its really the case... then I shall say God helped me... hahaha... because I thought I will get 2.9 only.. shrugs.. dont know... if its 3... then I shall really try hard to get even better good result for year 2.... making sure my GPA 3 wont fall below 3... it must remain or even higher...
6:52 PM
I had wasted my 2 weeks of holidays???
Last week was camp and more camp and more camp... then with trainings and trainings and more trainings... then with games and more games... that just speak about my holiday for the 1st week...
This week... back every single day... haish... monday back to watch softball.. tuesday back to training... wednesday back for their sports heats... dengs... -.- today again.. going to be back... decided to go back at 3pm so to meet up with sotong... but.. some one... who is the not meng one.. asked me for lunch! so gottaa go early... and dont know slack where after that... to wait till 3.30pm for sotong... arghhhhsss....
I am 17years 7mnths 6days old today... god damn... just another 4months+++ more to be 18... dont know able to help them marhs.. haish haish.. anyway to be 18 also no good... do crime must go jail lerhs... so must be extra careful with my actions and words outside... any moment can get caught also.. haiyo.. so difficult to be an young adult! yucks! pui! I still prefer the young young childish me... where I can do anything I like... at most just scoldings... then no troubles... no sorrows... no anything... just know what is call FUN... ENJOYMENT... and PLAY... these are the words that is in my dictionary when it was 7years ago... play and play and more play.. nothing else... sighs... things are different already... im going to be young adult soon.. god... god.. god.. time is soooo fast... hahaha...
See how I bored am I? Need to borrow some books on coaching to read.. to take up my time liao also... everytime think what to coach them really liek out of ideas le lorhs... since is my free time.. really need to borrow and read up.. and do whatever i can mans... haish...
11:38 AM
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
"Face it: There are some things you just can't change. Better learn to accept them."
Its my horoscope... Hmm... Its so true... I really need some time and courage and I must face it... I must accept it...
Sports heats today FOR THEM... so tempted to run... but cannot... I am NO LONGER ES anymore... NO LONGER wearing MERCURY t-shirt... no more and thats it... no more... graduated for 1year and 2months and 22days... hahaha... actually more days... cause I was graduated on the 17.10.03... wah! that was like so long right? Hahaha... I have GRADUATED from ES on the 17.10.03... so it had been 1 year 5months and 6days! hahahahhaa... its so long already!!!! LoLx....
Nothing much to blog also.. haish.. I love my tong tong dar dar..
11:31 PM
Tuesday, March 22, 2005
I am happY! One of my wish is fufilling soon! Club setting up soon... and its real soon! =) I love this feeling... mind you... I love it... I'm loving it! Keep waiting... to be part of a club... wanted to join his club.. but was hoping to have my own club set up.. therefore... i wait and wait and wait... and its arriving... =) Playing with my old players... yeah! =) CooLzz... =)
But.. I cant play with them for National League.. due to RP... haish... nevermind.. at least can train with them as thats what I am waiting for!!! Training together... achieveing the same goal... chionging in carnivals and being like ES from the bottom climbing up the ladder step by step.. and people starting knowing us! People dont know who we are, but year goes by.. they will know who we really are!!! =) Thats what I have been waiting for! =) yeahx!
Holidays are sians for me this time round... things had really changed... people around me is changing... and the people I am closer with is changing also... I mean I used to be with this person... suddenly become that person then suddenly become another person... but no matter how it changes... my life is still revolving around the same group of person... when will I be able to get out of this circle? I dont mean that I dislike this circle, but I know it myself I need to get out of this and open the door which is ahead of me and walking forward...
I love the company of these people... they are really a group of fun-loving, cute and nice people but I am now holding them as if for survival... I think this will be unhealthy... I know it myself... yet... I am not doing it... "you need to get out of your comfort zone.." I really need to... I cant always go back to the same old people... I am now thinking of the past again.. haha... its so unhealthy... but well, this time I am surprised that my mindset keep thinking of doing well in year2... getting into local Uni is really difficult now... but I do still hope for miracle...
Well.. back to the same topic.. its been 1years and 3months.... its really time to go... its time to let go... holding too tight to the string it might snap at you when you dont wish to... and its going to break your heart even hard... its really time to let go.... when its meant to be yours... it will definately be... sighs... I really cant bear to do so... but I know... its really time to do so... I'm trying.. really trying... hope... I can do it... hope this holidays will be a good one for me a new chapter and it will be the last chapter... and so I will do what I need to after my hols... the string is snapping soon.. you know it... so its time... its time... its time to let go... actually I think I dont mind letting go.. but I supposed I am just afraid of the result of letting go... "let it free... if its urs.. it will return.. if it not.. it will never be..." I am so afraid it will be the latter... thats why I always dont dare to dare... I always hope that things will be the same... but things never be the same... flower will die... trees will grow taller... people will die... things will become old... things will never be the same.. it never will be... its time... to let go... but... willl the result be what I dont wish to be? I love CHIJs... I love my tudis... I love ES.... well.. maybe because of my coaching.. I'm going to drag another year? shrugs... I dont know.. crazy me.. suddenly talk about this... my living room going to flood.. haha.. not going to blog about it anymore... shall just enjoy my hols...
MY grades arent out yet... everyday looking at it... didnt really know my final grades... more or less predicted it... and it will be what I predicted... but.. haish.. sad sad sad...
Another sad thing... sec1s... hearing alot alot alot of people..... .... is it my fault? I'm not doing what I wanted... making them enjoy, love it... I didnt.... what can I do? What did mr teo make us become so passionate about it? What have I not done? haish... what is the thing that I have done wrong or didnt do...? haish...
I think I better stop blogging.. because of the start... I am being negative of everything now... so I will start blogging sad stuffs.. and flood my living room.. so there I go.. byes...
11:36 PM
11:34 PM
Sunday, March 20, 2005
I fell sick. I was so sick till I can bear not to go online.
Yesterday morning was late when I meet Kelly, I dont know is because of my phone didnt ring or because was too tired then I shut it off and forgotten about it. Luckily Kelly smsed me and so I woke up and wash up asap... took the bus and reached Simei MRT.. I saw sotong.. well I was hoping to see them... and I saw.. but once I alight she and Charissa was gone... therefore walked pretty fast hoping to see them... and well managed to catch the same train as them... =) was chatting with them.. reached Kallang was hoping to be alighting too... but I need to go to city hall.. haish... =(
My game... well it was crappy... they changed group.. and therefore I wanted to leave early so I change to Charmaine's group... then played till super crap... then about 11 I rushed down by cab...
My stomach wasnt feeling very well already... then reached there just walked around and watched them play... hmm... realised sw more zai then me... and noticed mistakes by the players... sometimes dont know is laugh or cry... at that point of time was thinking alot of things and thinking of ways... ... anyway sec1, 1 team got 4th... well done.. =) ha.. not forgetiing sw made jolene cried.. hahahha...
alrights.. after that at the later noon was really weak... bought mountain dew to drink then later bought whipped potato but didnt eat... I felt so weak like dont feel like walking and talking much... and felt nausea already.. but didnt really able to vomit out... but was feeling hungry... then decided to go eat at bugis there.. so took cab there... then after that vomit out.. hahaha... got the taste of mountain dew... -.- yucks! then later saw the table full of food.. wah.. was really full liao.. then just eat.. then felt very xin ku.. so pulled sotong with me go walk.. then.. hahaha... vomitted... =X then felt hot... then sai said maybe cause of the sun... so nevermind... shared cab home... then... reached home... took temperature... 38.3degrees.. then told my mum.. then go see doctor... then found out gastric flu.. -.- dors.... then was really very weak and sick.. so took my med and sleep... but HY smsed me.. woke me up.. and caused me unable to sleep from 10pm to 4am... all thanks to her!!!! -.-! finally managed to sleep then woke up at 11am... cause couldnt really fell asleep already... couldnt eat much also... dengs man.. i am craving for chocolates... and tong tong promised that.. =) fever subsided.. phew...
11:05 PM
At the age of 12, I left my primary school. I could not bear that kind of feeling, therefore went back school despite it was at Bedok when I stayed at Tampines. I practically went back almost everyday till I make a new group of friends in ES. But a lot of times I feel like going back but I dont know when my friends are free, guess one of these days should start asking them and go back together... I miss my teachers!
At the age of 16, I left my secondary school. Once again I miss the school, or this time I should say I miss my friends and teachers. I miss those fun and laughers and scoldings and most of all the trainings. Till now I am still back.
Now, 18, my new class, TA0402 in RP had become one of the memory like the above. Many would say, its still the same school so its alright what. But in poly and schools like secondary or primary are really different. I feel that it is not like times, whereby you will definately see your friend during break time or whatever. One person that I will miss is going to be Wei Sheng... or should I say, I miss his phone. Hahaha... I remembered myself and him was like close friends on and off... at the start of our RP life, he was my first friend. We would have lunch together and chatted together and sometimes went to the train station together. Soon, we had our own friends, no longer that close anymore but just before this class ended, I think for week 10 onwards, once again we were together again. He would chase after me to go back together, I would ask him to wait for me too. Most importantly, everytime during the 3rd meeting, when I am in his group, I would take his phone without permission and.. FLOODED with my pictures! He wont complain and he would just laugh at me. I remembered I took one picture that I was so meng that I showed him.. haha... and not forgetting the last chalet we had, he stayed on because of me but I was too tired to accompany him to the breakwater... not forgetting our prawn without legs and all the crapx and shoutings to each other.. haha.. boy.. I am going to miss this fun... why I talk about him, because he was my 1st friend in the class and at the end, we were still together... =)
9:55 PM
Friday, March 18, 2005
Reading quite a few blogs... just a few... I myself also could feel their sadness... When I was talking to Ms Goh on that day about them... I myself almost lose my own emotion too... but eventually I controlled myself and I managed not to cry... I dont know why, but I felt sad too... I mean when I see them cry and reading their blogs, I myself could feel my tears are flowing out also... though I didnt spend my time suffering and training with them like they do... but I know they are really close together and therefore... well... hahaha... hmm... I shant blog about this...
Well, I am so fookish disappointed... yesterday night returned home... then checked my results then found out my science UT 4 was a D+! I was already very very disappointed on Wed when I realised my UT 3 was B... then yesterday when I checked.. it was a D+ for UT 4... oh damn!!! I wanted to have a overall B+(3.5) turn out now to be a C+(2.95).... haish... I tried really hard for this 2 UTs... and.... and... and... haish... fookish damn results.... !!!! Worse still... I expected to have at least 3 Bs and 2 C+s... now.. I only have 1 B and the rest are C+... damN!!! Now... my overall GPA from a 3.1 become 2.95!!!!! Arghh!!!!! DAMN!!!!! Next year, sem3 will be even difficult for me... haish... haish.. haish... how? Will I be able to bring my GPA to 3 again??? sighs... gonna work hard for year 2 already...
I am actually quite upset... but well.. afterall I cant be so selfish... I cannot really because of what I want, what I think and what I wish and neglect my team.. I really hope to go down to their match tomorrow... I feel that he put me as the manager was a time for me to experience and learn... and I really hope and love and wish to be there because this chance might not be so often... but... at the same time I have a match for my school... and its obvious that going for my match is my priority and my responsibilty to be there..... we have trained hard as a team... I cannot because of what I love and what I desire and leave my team behind... like what he always teach the girls, you need to be responsible for your own actions... you all learn together as a team.. and if you do not take care of yourself you are just being unfair to your teammates... this might be out of point... but its going to be very unfair to my teammates if I really choose to go to kallang... its like I just cant be so unfair.. haish... furthermore... I think I just have to set this example as team is more importmant... this is just such a hard decision to make... and... this decision isnt what I wish and want... but I just have to make this decision... but I just hope this is not going to affect anything... and... I just have to live with this decision.. and be happy if not the team will know... so... this is the decision I made... and therefore.. I should be happy and not what....
I shall roughly blog about my this week... cause it had been days since I last blogged...
Monday to Wednesday
First day of esnetball camp... after reporting and everything... training started... I ran with them at the start... then the sec4s started planning on what they wants to do... just listen and see... they really gave the sec1s a hard time... because suicide for dont know how many times... and... they started to do some drills and court play... when they were given the break.. I started to run my 1st suicide... then it was bad.. but I dont really care because that wasnt my focus... anyway.. after that.. its going to be their lunch I think.. then I couldnt finish because it was really full... then after that they had rest... and then stretching... haish... I sarbotage them.. I mean I thought long pants was supposed to be for sleeping and therefore most of them didnt bring it... haihs... and they had punishments... =( sorry girls... on that spot.. I was upset.. but I remembered the mistake I made that time.. therefore I still went for the stretching... he said something infront of them.. but I tried not to let it affect it much... carry on with my stretching.. then Miss Goh sarbotage... she really stretched me! then I go stretch HY... then when I go back to MIss goh.. stupid HY came over to take revenge... arghhh... after that they start their trainings again.... it was on the court play... haish.. they still having the very basic mistakes... its time to do something... on my part... I learned from the sec4s during this camp also.. I think they were more firm then me... and they ae able to teach well.. this is what I need to learn.. the sec1s are improving but .. there are still alot to be learn and improve.. and so.. it smy task and my part to do it already... and I will try my best...
Back to the day itself... MOnday.. after those.. nothing much.. just workshop after trainings and dinner... then slept early getting ready for the ECP run the next day... before sleeping.. we actually played the game... haha.. christinte did something power! haha... anyway.. after the game went to sleep.. it was about 12+++... but at 2.49am I was still awake... I couldnt sleep well.. because was coughing.. and I dared not to cough because Christine was there and MS goh was beside me.. therefore I just went out.. and sat down with SM and talked.. and the girls went into the room... when it was just 3.30am... its about 4am.. then CIndy smsed me.. so I went to open the gate for her.. then get the bikes out and get ready... and there we go! =) This run was much better then last year... though this year was much more tiring and hectic for me because CIndy and I had to take the last runner... and so the ankle and the knee was so painful... but well.. I should really say.. this year.. it was faster and it doesnt seems long anymore... =) But it was really tiriing for me.. because I cycled back to school... I ran to ECP and cycle back to school... I am so meng right!? My thigh msucle was sooooo painful to the extent that I really feel like chopping off.. haha... but finally reached the school... =) After their breakfast was their rest... then slept... cause it was really very tiring... but soon woke up.. because need to get lunch.. hahaha... then after that they had stheir stretching.. and stufus... haish.. its tiring to remember everything.. anyway.. this camp was great la.. and after my camp.. we had game.. then after that in the evening I had a game... then after that i ahd to in charge fo treasure hunt for my sports camp.. then later.. finally can sleep.. then the next day got to take charge of the games.. then finallly can go home.. but want to play game.. so slept for an hour.. and went to es to play.. then go play lan game.. till 11.30 then go home... sleep till 12 then wake up go to rp to have meeting.. then turn out no meeting.. so did sai kang.. then finally here to blog.. then tomorrow have a game.. gonna wake up by 6.15am.. then after the game.. rush down to kallng.. wah! thats my week.. its super tiring to be typing what had happened.. but..well.. thats the brief.. sorry guys.. hahaha... :X
9:13 PM
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Im back.. but too tired to blog.. but just to say.. I am still alive... =X If tomorrow got time I will blog.. if not.. then other day... i am really tired.. yawnx.. bye...
11:36 PM
Monday, March 14, 2005
I am truly very very very upset and speechless now... because I need to make a very hard decision before this weekends! DAMN! I really dont know how to make this decision because whatever decision I made, its going to disappoint certain people and most of all it might affect the future! Both side are very very important to me, and my heart is going to one side whereby I know I will be happy of doing BUT the other side is important as this should be my first pirority to certain people... this decision is really very hard to decide... I rejected once but I was 'scolded' as this should be my main prior... but inside, everyone will know I love doing the other side... haish... its so difficult to be making decision... sighs...
Tomorrow is the camp, well, I shall just not think about this thing and do what I am supposed to do in the camp... help the sec4s and 'guide' them.. hahaha.. thats what I think for myself actually... hee... well, though my task during this camp seems nothing, but I supposed its also a time to learn and also to see and to do what I am supposed to do as a 'coach'... I mean by helping them also quite a tough thing to do.. so its also a learning ground for me... =)
Like I said, this month isnt really a good month for me... but after thinking.. I supposed this is part and parcel of life... especially when you are growing up... thinking about it... I am 18 this year already... thats really fast.. and I supposed soon I can be really called as an young adult... with this term... I think facing with lots of problems and trouble are quite common and is a test set by the GOD.... a time to see and learn how to cope with it... Well.. I supposed this month is my 1st test to see if I can be a 18 years old young adult.. hahaha... =X Well, now I am happy other than the decision to be make soon... and also... other than the out of 17 years of life, this is the first camp that I am going to have my period!!!! I supposed I am happy.. and I must be strong to be able to take this test... and grow out of all these craps... and grow up! =) Hee.. yeah.. that should be me!
12:51 AM
Saturday, March 12, 2005
I shouldnt have ask her to ask... due to that message that is passed down is wrong... and causing a sacastic reply.. haish... forget it.. its already been said and therefore theres nothing I can do.. Forget it... I will just do what I can do... nevermind if ... .. .. ....
This month seriously have not been a good month for me. Too many downs for me and I think I had broken down quite a number of times this month. Everything isnt going very smoothly for me. Everything was so out of my hand. I really hope I can get up from every fall but at this point of time I had really been falling and falling till the point of time that I have no more strength to pick myself up... I really hope all the falls is enough... I will slowly get up... but I really dont know... haish... even my period wants to play with me... because Im having it now.. maybe because of that... my mood had been bad... shrugs...
5:43 PM
I asked him if I need to do any planning for the camp training. He said yes and so I asked him for the programme list. He passed to me and therefore I asked him what is it that he wants to do. He kept quiet, therefore I think he wants me to think for myself. After a while he said, you where got the time to plan? I thought you want to train yourself? This is the point of time when I think he had mistook my blog. In my blog, all I wanted is to train myself during the free time if I had it if not I will train myself other days. Maybe another miscommunication again, but seriously I just hope that he wont think that my focus is wrong again because that wasn’t my idea at all. I promise to you and myself that I would do a proper job and is a good job. My purpose of coming to the camp is to help the girls, the sec1 girls, and I wont go the wrong way, really. I will be very focus on them.
I was given the task to prepare myself and help the sec4s while they will train them on their court play. I doesn’t know what are they going to teach them and its like all I can make sure is I know the rules and the run and things like that. The thing is that there are 4 main trainings not counting stretching so its like when I don’t really know what they are going to do what can I prepare myself of doing?
I wish to meet up with them to discuss so that I had a clearer view and can prepare myself better before the camp, so that I wont be like blur and things like that but I really don’t know when is the best time as 3 more days will be the camp and then tomorrow morning they have their selections and I will be having my SC trail camp. I smsed him asking if can we meet up but he didn’t reply me.. I really don’t know what else can I do man.. haish… guess after my sentosa trip will ask or somehting..
1:08 AM
Friday, March 11, 2005
"Yunru you are the fittest, yet you cannot take 4 quarters of 10mins!?"
This hit me very very hard... real hard! Other than IVP when I dont play well, and that day training when I was pull out, today is the 3rd time that I felt deeply upset about myself! I was so tired after the 2nd quarter, hoping he could pull me out... 1st quarter I was having stitches and I was panting hard in the 2nd quarter... and I rest, my headache attack again... so I was hoping he could take me out... but at the start he said no, and later he changed.. in the end I took back... but when we changed.. I think he was quite upset already... but after that at the end of the thing... he said that sentence to me..."Yunru, you are fittest and you cannot take 4 quarters of 10mins? Maybe you are sick but.... " I was very upset about it... at first I was upset with the team, because I know I had trained outside, my stamina and fitness is not so bad... and last year, we pratically come down for all training and play game and train together... but now we didnt... then the game we play is very different now... so cant get used.. but after a while of thinking... I realised is my fault... I think even I have headache... I think I could carry on, furthermore this damn thing had been with me for years... playing together is not the excuse for my fitness being bad... I supposed it had really been the case of me not training hard enough... That time when I run in ES, I think I also cannot take much of the running... and fitness... I supposed in this holiday it would be good for me... I think training the girls their fitness can be a great help to me also... and I think if Mr Teo allow, I think I will train speed and stamina before meals... I will train myself after training the girls... I will train and train during this holidays furthermore I know YY would be very on about it... I cant let my team down and most of all myself down... its time to gain back the trust of Tony already... *A promise to myself, Tony and the team, I will not be so damn tired anymore.. I will be able to take it for 6 quarters of 10mins, 4 quarters of 15mins or whatever it is!* I am going to train myself to be able to withstand every single games... Seriously, its really sad... I am tired after 1 quarter... even he dont say, I guess after a reflection.. I would be so upset with myself also... I am really going to train hard during my holidays... 4 weeks, Tues, Wed, Fri on the girls... maybe other than Sunday.. either Mon or Thurs will run also... I am not going to be a lousy people again... Build up my fitness is my aim now....
Other than my fitness... my passing really sucks... footwork is not really problematic now... but my passing its really bad... haish... now I cant blame that opponents are non-netballers.. I only could blame myself... I really think its time to start having trainings and everything already... I could intercept a few balls, I mean I could catch up and intercept.. and I could read the game... but my speed seriously is very bad!!!! I realised that in 3rd or 4th quarters.... it was very very bad... I mean I could read the game BUT I couldnt catch up.. and I always miss by inches to reach it... which I was super sad... my 1st opponent is slightly slower... I could read the game, and caught up... but when changed.. I couldnt... imagine Perrine was my opponent!? Sighs... fitness (stamina, speed) really sucks!!! I need trainings!!!!!!!!
I can go for the camp... but... but... its not like last time anymore... I remembered last year I joined in with the girls to run suicide, train and everything... and get muscleaching together.. and run to ECP together... this year, I supposed only I can join them in the ECP run... but nevertheless I am going to ask for permission to run myself before meals or when the players are resting or whatever it is... "Sprinting 10times for 1st transverse in 3secs, 8 times to 2nd transverse in 5secs and 5times to 3rd transverse in 8secs... Running suicide run... within 1.45mins... last but least... 2.4km run.... " Its a must that I do all these.. hopefully I can...
Nothing much to blog... today lesson really end early... by 2.30pm I am already released... =) then like what I planned... when to take med and then of course go back to ES to play game with them... I supposed it just the fear in me that make me feel so weird... I supposed it takes some time... and its time for me to be strong! I went to poly to take the med, and also ask about that stupid thing about me when I having training(mr teo, gua, tong knows)... now I am in a dilenma... I am scared, worried and dont know what to say larhs.. haish... kelly, tong, gua knows... but seriously.. I dont wish to go.. but but but... haish.. guess will see how... =(
Tomorrow its my last day of school, and yuppie... hee heee heee... hopefully end class early also... heee heee heee... =) 2 people already not going to school... hmm.. how many more? BUT I will still go because I will get the grade I want... =) Alrights... nights...
1:09 AM
Thursday, March 10, 2005
I am so tired.... today its so stupid!!! I wanted to reach school by 8.30am so that I can do my test... but... turn out to reach at 8.50am!!!! So stupid can!? Hahaha... then I was soooo tired can... sooooo feel like sleeping... can! But I just tried my best lorhs.. the test was so stupid can... alot of Area of trapezium... and because I was late I was tooo kan giong... then I forget the formula, "1/2 x sum of parallel sides x base" I go and cut the trapezium into two pieces (rectangle and triangle).... gosh... how stupid can I get right? hahahaha....
Ok.. today lesson I supposed will end early.. so will go to polyclinic.. then if got time will go home... then go back school.. then go find them... supposed they are going to play game... then erms... maybe will go eat... then will go for my match le lorhs... yipppeee... =)
* my ankle is not in the right condition... just hopefully nothing goes wrong to worsen it...
1:57 PM
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Like I say, everything might happened out of my expectation... little did I expect he wont be around at 2pm... little did I expect that I will wait for him till 5pm... everything is just so out of my own expectation and imagination... but still its settled...
I am so relief its over but still inside I am still feeling the fear... I supposed that is what will happen after every confrontation... I am glad to make the decision to send that email that day.. and I am glad to say I make the decision of talking to him face to face... and most of all, I am proud that I didnt cry, I almost cry out but I controlled and also I dare to look into his eyes and talk... I supposed mentally prepared helps.. =X (because I kept 'rehearsing' since Monday night till Tuesday noon)
Almost everyone knows I hate confrontation, and the higher people will always want me to do it.. my email was right but he was just waiting for me to face to him and settle it... I was scared stiff when I approached him... I was panting because of the running to the office and back.. and I couldnt speak a word after mentioning his name! I was like playing with my card till as if going to bend it! Gosh! Imagine myself being so scared? Not forgetting, I finished off half the bottle of water after talking to him... I mean I felt relieved after he said he read my mail, my mail was right and he was just waiting for me to approach him face-to-face.. guess I have make the right choice... The decision to talk to him face to face was on Thursday.. I'm suprised that I really did that...
I went for my training after everything... wasted my $15 again because went there to play a game... and most all.. got scolded by coach... well... its been quite some time since I was pulled out not playing.. guess he was just too upset about my play... maybe I was just too complacent at that moment, or maybe because I wasnt really focus in my game...
Theres a match tomorrow.. but I need to go see doc first... therefore before the match I shall go back since they are playing a game right? Guess so... but definately I will want to go down for the match as its really been quite some time since we had been playing together and having a proper game...
I am so tired... really soooo tired... going to sleep soon already... I supposed I have not been catching a good rest... and this whole 2 weeks will be sooo hectic for me.. haha... yawnx... =X
Tomorrow is my last test also.. gosh.. not really prepapred... because I dont really know how to do... haish.. just hope for tghe best....
10:30 PM
Monday, March 07, 2005
Yesterday after working, went to the chalet. Memories flew back into my mind the moment I stepped into the chalet. Used to have memories about my FOP camp but this time its not but the day we spent together during the holidays in december. 23rd and 24th. Having fun inside the chalet, playing, talking craps and tavelling to somewhere to have supper... I dont know why, when I was sleeping yesterday, I just remembered those days and actually dropped a tear... remembering those time when we were really crazy together... "begging" for forgiveness... and all sorts... when playing the guessing game.. I remembered how I was sarbo just because of a mistake done... how that oily person had forced herself eating those crapx... and how the crow crying over a cup of milk... hahaha.. it was just so funny... well... I can only say I am somebody who prefer the past then the present... or should I say I couldnt forget those times easily.. especially going to the same places filled with memories...
I really not sure what will happen tomorrow... I dont know if its going to be what I expected or what... actually I cant think much... because expecting the result to be negative there are so many ways that can happen and the result being positive also alot of ways... I am really worried and afraid of the outcome to be very bad and something that I dont wish too... I am now just hoping for the best and nothign much... because something unexpected might happen just like when I want to quit my work...
I told sikin I wanted to quit... and she told Alan about it... Alan came out and actually accpeted... I was grateful for that.. though after that I couldnt bear to leave but... I made up my mind to do so... Though Mabel told me that why choose to resign why not work during my holidays then... I dont know... I just said nothing.. then finally at 3pm, decided to tell Azman about it.. and god knows... he asked me to stay and said why not commit myself for once or twice a month its good enough... I was surprised... and I was loss of words... eventually I just said.. ok... but for the time being I am not going to work.. but seriously... right now I feel like quitting already.. haihs.. just couldnt make my stand and have a firm decision... I supposed after a short break.. I will see how it goes... =)
DOnt know what else to blog already.. but also.. I am quite tired to be blogging... I am deprived from my sleep yesterday.. therefore I am going to sleep... if not my stupid migraine is attacking me again and again..
10:18 PM
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Initiately wanted to blog about something.. but well.. forget about it.. no more mood to write already.. and doesnt really know how to write...
12:54 AM
Saturday, March 05, 2005
I am quitting my job tomorrow. I dont feel like wasting my weekends on earning that pathetic money. Like what he told me before, I had already stop learning therefore theres no use of staying. I realise I really learnt nothing and doing nothing during work, therefore I should stop working. Furthermore, next semester will be a more hectic semester for me. Though its only a 4day week, but I have a project on hand and I have 40 CE points to clear for the next 2 semesters which means I will be busy already. IF everything is settled, I supposed I will also be doing some work and preparation for it and therefore more and more work to be done. I need my weekends to rest and to do work. Maybe will find a new job in future if my holidays are spent unwisely but for now I think I will be busy so am not going to continue.
I have been missing the running sessions with them because of my work. When I was really free I have yet to know her well but when I started to know her and start wanting to have the running sessions then stupidly I kept having work! Bloody shit! So I think its time to stop working so I can start training on my own too. =)
9:52 PM
Friday, March 04, 2005
Quite a lot to blog... 1st of all... the S.E.A, seriously I think I should hope for the best but I supposed I shouldnt be putting too much hope and expect I might get it, even for the Cert. of merit. Advisor plays a part, and I supposed I can get all the nomination by my friends, but I doubt I will be able to cross my advisor part. Therefore, I should just wish for it and not hoping for it...
2nd, today lesson was alright.. but I was very late... had a very bad stomachache in the morning and when I went down I wanted to U-turn and back home because was having the 2nd stomachache... in the end I just control and managed to reach school... then again went to the toilet... seriously today lesson was bad because I missed at the front, I didnt really know what to do... but just try and smoke my way through...
After that, went to met them... well on the train something happen.. and I guessed only my dar, sotong and gua know about it.. haish... bad bad.. I just doesnt to have free time and thats all... haish... really wonder how am I going to resolve this... I mean I know I am going to pluck up my courage and meet him face to face and talk it out... but the thing is I doesnt know what to speak... I doesnt know what to say... thats why I doesnt know how to resolve it, but if I am not going to do something, I supposed this will stay it this way... and soon everything that I hate to do will happen... (cant go back ES, coaching, never dare to ask him things, talk to him, ask for advice, go for camp and etc etc etc) its just so much things... furthermore I had sort of planned my schedule for my next semester for the coaching things, and alot more.. so I will never wish to let this whole thing spoil everything... but what can I do? Anyone to enlighten me?
Haish... the most important thing is here... I finally able to check my JAE... and guess what? I am able to get into CI! Oh no, I regretted so much and hated myself so much to fail that stupid damn English! If not I had already been Pre-U 2 and not even thinking whether should I go in or not. My score is able to get in CI, even with a C6 for english! Damn oh damn!!! Change or dont change? I always wish to get in Uni, this is a better choice but also this means I need to be extra hardworking and I cannot coach also... a sacrifice... everything comes with sacrification I supposed... maybe I should just stayed in RP, since I really wish to learn how to coach? But hopefully everything will turn out to be fine...
Next week is the last week of holiday already.. which means.. I only left with 5 days of school.. which also means I only have 5 days to settle everything so that I can go for the camp... but if I'm allowed to go for the camp... its going to be a very hectic week after next week... 1st day of holiday(12th), I will be having my sentosa trip with SC to get ready for the Sports Camp... then 13th will be me packing and getting ready for the camp on 14th to 18th.. because 14th to 16th will be ES camp and 16th to 18th is my Sports Camp! Gosh... =S 19th I supposed the C div having carnival.. and sooo... yeah... hahahhaa... I am so meng! But seriously though hectic.. but I am sure I will like this week so much and cant wait for it to happen! =)
11:12 PM
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Too tired to stay in class therefore left early... went back home.... then mr lai said the match is still on therefore I went down... called perrine and just nice they are free also... so we met up and we go...
Out of expectation... he went there too.. it was such an awkward situation... I really wish to talk to him and to try to resolve this whole situation but I feel that this isnt the right time and I just kept quiet... I really wish to resolve, but I have no courage to and doesnt know what to say... I supposed I will pluck up my courage the next time I see him...
I really dont want to this to remain the same, never wish to stop going back to ES, never wish to feel awkward everytime... I want it to be the same like before... The next time I see him, and at the right time... and... talk to him... and clear everything?
Anyway, today softball won! =) Dua hai, =) Good game yeah? Congrats... But something bad happens after the match.. causing him headache... haish.. hope it will clear soon... and nothing bad happens...
9:44 PM
I had never expected this to happen. I realy dont know what to do to resolve this and I supposed he had lost trust in me in helping the girls already? I am so upset and I am lost, I dont know what I can do now. It is just out of my hand, and I had never intend, mean or even think to do anything. I was already trying not to make any mistakes, tried hard to hide my emotions but turn out its bad... Everything had gone out of hand, and I am no longer able to control this.. and I am so afraid that things will remain this way... I really dont know what to do now... really dont know... There are things that I need to ask and tell but now, I really have no guts or even dont know what to do. This is so bad, so bad... I really dont know, dont know what can I do now... everything its like so bad now... what can I do to resolve this? I had said my stand, explain my side.. and its remaining like this... no answer.. no anything... what can I do? or is it going to stay it this way? .... .... . .....
I am so sad... so sad that I dont know what to say... .... haish....
Today UT was bad also... I cant achieved my A already... everything is not going smoothly for me already... everything is not... is not.. is not... its near the holidays already... if everything is not settled.. I really see that I wont enjoy at all.. and everything that I had planned for the holidays will not be done as it had already been affected... just by one day... BY ONE DAY... My sports excellence award is over tooooooo ....
10:06 AM
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Netball training become self training... he teaching the newer players... and older players slack... but well I just didnt eally want to slack.. so I tried suicide run without warm up then I realise its difficult... so after that my friend wanted to slow run.. so I joined them.. therefore... we ran... then because I was in front.. my speed gradully increase.. then at this point I was so far ahead.. then thinkin I dont want to run therefore I increase.. and tried to sprint at the last stetch.. i finished 2.4km run! =) its been a while since I did that...
After suicide... then 2.4km.. then after that.. I rested for 20mins.. and started to sprint across the court... I did that for about 6 or 8 times... =) The fastest timing was 0.5somthin minutes.. I suposed its really slow... =(
After that.. then he said theres game with the boys.. oh god.. I was freaking tired of all the running... and was having headahce already.. therefore I started with WA... then PR cannot take it.. so eventually back to C... was so tired.. after all these.. but I feel its very nice... haish.. how I wished that kelly is so self motivated... or rather I hope the rest of the players are like that too... we are really weak in stamina... and we keep dont train.. we will never win.. and its time.. haish...
Anyway my ankle and knees are starting to give way... my ankle already gave me some problem a few days back.. but I just ignore.. now the knee joined the fun.. god damn... anyway.. its tiring enough already.. time to get some rest and wake up to train... =)
oh please.. no fever... im feeling so weak now..
1:04 AM
Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Sometimes I supposed I am just expecting too much... its time for me to adjust my expectation, if not I will be unhappy all the times... this is what my hubby always tell me... when we are of different schools and stuffs, we cant always expect the same thing, therefore since I really experience it already then its really time for me to change my expectation towards everything... maybe sometimes its also my fault of not being thoughtful enough.. well, its time for me to learn...
Alright, everything aside, talked about O level. I went to school, 3 person wishes me luck - Cindy, Dua hai and Pui Fun... as the time gets nearer, I got really worried and scared... furthermore keep talking about it in class... I still could remember, at 1.40pm I was having stomachache that I went to the toilet, and at 1.50pm when I am back I refresh the page, "GCE O level result is released!" thats was when I shouted in class for the 1st time of the day... Daniel looked, it was a B4, that was when I started to worry... then come Edmund, another B4... I really dare not to see.. and the stupid idiotic fat pig keep asking me to see and beside me looking and waiting for my result! Fuk! Thanks Sequeena for shooing her away! My master help me to look at it first, she laughed, therefore I thought it was a good one... at 2pm, Jessica came in and she started asking how is it, then she looked into my eyes, and I just shook my head and replied, "yet to see" then finally I took the courage and... I checked! "FUK" was the first word I shouted and like I said, I slammed my laptop and tears flowing down... whole class became silent and eventually turned back and stared at me... Jessica was shocked for a moment and looking at me with a worried face then I just ran out of the class and went to the toilet... I was expecting a B actually... but I was jsu too depressed... but like what Sequeena siad, maybe its fated of me to stay in RP... but I dont wished to think of this.. I feel like leaving, but I just couldnt bear with the exellence of Sports over here... and maybe its really fated... thats was all in my mind... I went back class.. silence... didnt talk much... just stared at the board.. and Jessica, guessed was really worried about me.. then... well slowly.. finally class ended... I went off for their match.. and heard the results of the rest of the girls.. and well, at least better than me... anyway... I didnt wish to reply anyone about my result at that moment.. I was just tooooo depressed to do so..... .... .....
Finished talking about O's.. let me talk about today class... had a fight with Ben today... I was just too pissed with his damn bloody attitude that I shouted at him... he shouted back.. and scolded vulgar... and well.. I shouted him back with vulgar.. gosh me... so everything turned sour.. but it was a good thing because eventually Farhan did his work! After that we just did our best in everything and I just ignored him.. Pui told Jessica about it during the 2nd meeting, and Jessica came over then she questioned Ben what did he research on.. he was just smoking his way through.. then after that Jessica just patted on my shoulder and went off.. then I went out.. then she came out too, and asked if I am alright and asked me not to leave the class and affect my grades because of 1 person... therefore... well.. I stayed on... because there isnt anywhere I can go too... ... .... ... ...
Their match, it was raining cats and dogs near my school, I was so afraid it will rain in the East.. well it didnt... I fetch Ms Goh and we reached Dunman... heard from Ms Goh, that dua hai was asking about my result.. haha.. thanks dua hai... when we reached, Mr Teo first was the look of asking hows my result and well.. the first thing like i said to ms goh was, "dun ask" well, after that he said "fail again?" i just shook my head, and I think ms goh was laughing.. then well... he said "c6?" then I nodded.. then the start of the match already.. dont wish to care about my result and just look at their match... well its over.. everything its over with the ending score of 11 vs 24! Well, its a good match at the start but they blew it or maybe rather complacent about it... at first they pulled the score wide apart, but slowly AHS draw near.. but well, they still won because they knew they need to try their very best... =) I guess at least you girls do not feel any regrets even you guys did not get into the 2nd round... am I right? I supposed you guys know that you have done the seniors proud? Arent you? So let this be the best memory! =)
I dropped a tear at the end of the match, because I promised them that I will treat dinner if I were to pass my English... well, after telling gua what happened and stuffs about my English, I dropped my tear... I supposed I just couldnt get over the fact that I spend freaking 100 bucks to just pass a paper! We went to eat, just on the way, he asked why am I so upset.. but well.. its because of the C i presume... haish... then asked him about the transferring... then later talked about alot of things.. then finally... I made up my mind.. to stay... I supposed.. staying here woulndt be a bad choice.. I think right here I can develop my Sports well... and now I am just waiting to be Sportswoman of the year... hahaha... =)
Anyway, though decided on staying RP, but I dont know whether to retake amaths and emaths for fun... hahaha... =x Everytime teaching them on how to do, makes me realised I was so smart... but regretted of not doing well when I was in Secondary.. so hoping to do well again... so... hmm.. hahaha... will see how... =X
Lastly, I really wished to thank a few person... 1st it will be Ms Teh, I think without her marking my paper at that last moment I think I really dont know how to write and I supposed I will just write it very badly... next, it will be Mr Tay, I think without his teasing... I wouldnt be taking it so seriously... it was because of his teasing that makes me angry and really wanting to do well.. so I must really thank him for that... well, after them.. it will be dua hai, though he didnt really help much.. but sometimes he is really encouraging and he was the 1st to wish me luck.. and askig hows my result... =) Next... my hubby... well.. i remembered him and shifu was the one who i always smsed after my oral or 1st paper or 2nd paper.. so thanks for being there... last, and the most important.. is my shifu.. it was him who also helped me.. because he lent me books to practise english, he tell me my mistake in my writing... he is just being there like my hubby.. but seriously without all these teachers.. i supposed i would fail again.. thanks again!
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