Life is a series of problem. What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one."
Will I be strong enough to accept it and my life wont be difficult? This year, is fully filled with downs. When will it ever be gone?
Will I be strong enough to handle and accept it?
Am I strong enough to do everything right? Will I?
Thursday, September 30, 2004
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10:26 PM
Wednesday, September 29, 2004
Hee Hee Hee... Ho Ho Ho... I am... HAPPY! :D ;) -wink- WHY??? WANT TO KNOW? hahhaa.. I shall tell you NOW!!! :D
Woke up rather early... 10+++ because of 1 sms... you should know who... then later cant sleep.. so woke up and tidy up my table and cupboard.. but was too lazy.. so tidy abit only.. hee hee.. thats me.. lolz... then later play, chat and stuffs and about 1+++ than i go to school...
Over there... nothing much... just ate canteen food with panda and sh... then later I went into the PE room.. and panda and sh went up to study... I dont want go there because I think I will distract them studying.. because I got nothing to study... so went into PE room to disturb Mr Lai.. :X oopx... hee hee hee...
Inside nothing... just disturb... and today taught them a bit of maths... and then just chatted... and later near 6 went to the atrium.. and Mr Teo taught me the main 5 'bu' .... like how to 'master' it... how to practise at home... hoo hoo... so happy.. yeah.. :-) but catch no ball at first... he did it like so fast... -.- but he patiently taught me.. :-x Thanks Mr Teo... :) I will practise till I know... Thanks anyway.. really!!!! THANKS!!!!!!!!!!!
Learning wushu is one of the things that make me so happy... second thing that why I am so happy is because... ... ... I got my semester result already... oh well... got what I expected or rather... what I wanted... all Bs... and 1 B+ ... :) this B+ is not I expected actually.. but I got it... Yeah! hooray! :D hee hee... So Happy! Going to work harder for my semester 2, 3,4 and 5! Study harder to get what I want... ! :)
Oh yes! Being called gu niang* today! Guess what? Being called 3 times... idiot!!! First was because Panda... we wanted to go ES... but it was raining.. so I didnt really want to go that early... then later I told Panda its raining... I cannot touch rain... and laugh.. and she scold me gu niang! hmpF! Nevermind... later as I was trying to remember what Mr Teo taught me.... he saw my 'bu' and said open bigger.. than he said I gu niang! What the...!!!!! Later at mac... was talking to ade and JS... guess what!? Ade said I go and use those gu niang voice!!! argh!!!! stupid siaz!!! 3 times in a day being called gu niang! hmpF~!!! Whats wrong with gu niang.. I am a girl anyway.. :x oops.. haha :x hahaha... I ahte my buddies.. always say I getting more and more niang.. nevermind.. good what.. bleahz :P
*Gu niang means girly!!!!
10:51 PM
Tuesday, September 28, 2004
My dearest tudi - suwei laughed at me... she say this is the first time she saw me paiseh... twionk...~! really mah??? hee... I didnt realise that... have I always show you guys the 'meng' me??? ^o) hee... first time paiseh arh? twionk siaz... all because of my stupid sentence... "good things must share!" argh!!! Made the biggest mistake today!!! so because of this mistake... I need to do the 'wu bu quan' in front of ALL OF THEM!!!! :(
Went for bball training... and then went back home to bathe.. then went back ES... because JS said want learn amaths... then had my lunch... then I do my formulae list for the stupid idiotic student... then must recap Chemistry... to teach the 3 tu di of mine chemistry... :-( How I wish to go back school again... hee.. I some more teach Hui Ting amaths.. ok!? hahaha... how I wish I am sec 3 now...
JS took Mr Teo's cushion... and I said.. the "good things must share..." then he took my phone.. I think it was me that is so stupid.. I think he didnt realise my phone was beside him.. then I thought he saw so I wanted to take... but in the end... he took it... and said.. "good things must share.." then after that I just heck care about it... then asked him about the last step about 'wu bu quan'... then he asked about what are the five 'bu' and stuffs... and he wanted me to do what I remember... but Mr Lai.. laughed at me!!! :-( I can do.. but I just afraid people to laugh... :( stupid idiot!!! hmpF~!!!
Whatever .... then later went out of the PE room.. then I always had the habit to check for my phone when I leave a place... then I realised I dont have.. and I asked JS where is my phone.. then she said was with Mr Teo.. oops!!! still told him I got good memory.. wahaha... so waited for Mr Teo... then he said I must do my 'wu bu quan' then he will return my phone!!! argh~!!! and well... I paiseh... and then in the end I did... and ... -sighz-!!! so stupid.. oK! so paiseh.. :( but nevermind... he said he is going to teach? :) hee...Its like since I missed so many of my session... and now got he to teach... though got embarassment.. but suan le.. everyone makes mistake first... and success comes after failure... so learn from my mistakes... and its a good time to overcome my self-consiousness too...
9:47 PM
Monday, September 27, 2004
Haha.. I am so right I did not go for my wushu again... I think its been a month since I Iwent for it.. I only go for twice... -sighz- before they engage a coach, I dont go... after they engage a coach the first training I didnt go... then after that I went once then the next training I didnt go and then the third one I went... later I missed all the way till now... it was because of my IVP and after that because its on the holiday.. and I hate travelling and for twice before I want to go I always at ES... and I forever will just want to stay there!!!
Out of 7 trainings... I had missed 5 trainings... and I could not get my basic right! My 'wu bu quan' still kns... I only remember what I learned in the first training... after that the 2nd trainings I forgotten about it... I think my case now is heart dont match with my mind... I really want to learn... I really want to master it... but I just could not force myself... 5 trainings... 2 trainings was due to netball.. the other 3 was no reason... especially today and last week... just because I at ES... -sighz- I really want to learn and improve... but... maybe due to the holidays... I just wished to spend more time with my es people... and just wish to get out of RP... in RP always want to go back ES I cant... and now since I got the time.. obviously I want to go back right? and obviously I cant bear to leave when I stepped in only till the school closes right? Now seriously I sort of regret of not going wushu??? haha.. dont know... nevermind learn my 'wu bu quan' from mr teo.. but still forget the very last move... but going to try it later... still cannot? obviously ask mr teo.. :X haha...
Anyway, got the NYAA sample.. got to plan about it already? Mr Leong thinks he will waste his $10? I will prove to him man.. but well... seeing my determination of wushu, and bball in RP... seems like things might not go my way.. yeah? or rather things might not not be what I think... got the heart.. but no strength to do it.. -sighz- Nevermind... shall see how long I can take it...
Soon I will change my blog add and put password already.. I think blogging is too dangerous nowadays... heard from XW that Mdm Noreha go search and found cheekui's blog... die man.. when I go yahoo search... I saw my blog!!! die!!! I am dead... !!! soon.. I will just change my add and put password... sorry people... I will tell you guys the new add and password...
7:55 PM
Sunday, September 26, 2004
This song is my favourite song... everyone knows... I mean most of my juniors... whenever they heard this song they thought of me.. haha... so nice... lol... but none of them know the real reason why I like this song so much... none of my buddies know it too.. only myself, me, and I know it... there are certain things that I really just kept it to myself... for the past 4 years I really learn a lot of things... I know I hurt my friends in those 4 years... and I myself being hurt too... so some things I just feel safe inside my own heart... but at times I really wish I can tell some one about it... because a lot of times when some times happened... I really felt very very tired, painful deep inside... but I just could not really find a soulmate to say everything... anyway this song, when I am really down, and I heard this I will really cry... I really hope to find some one who I can really feel comfortable with... who I dare to share this secret... who can help me unlock this door... ... ... ... ...
Anyway, 2nd day of work... ok... today was much better... I wasnt late... today my partner was better... she jokes with them, she help me alot.... I love her... :) hee... ok... I felt much comfortable with her than yesterday... she is much more friendly? Or is it because I open myself up more? -shrughz- But I just love to work with Zareen... :P Anyway, still the same... raining day... headache... boring day... I got abit irritated by my supervisor... -sighz- just 2 days only.. and such things happen... nevermind.. I work for myself! ars!!!! and this is me! Hope to work with Zareen more... :) Anyway I got slightly used with the products... :-) BUT STILL... SCHOOLING IS BETTER!!!!!!!!!! I love school now... really... stupid irritating bad mr teo.. sms me and make me jealous!!! idiot!!!!! argh~!!!! :( sobx sobx sobx... But he is right.. got to study hard... and so to make sure I wont have such job in my future! I will study even harder... get into Uni! and be a teacher?
My dream of being a teacher seem to getting further... I really dont know... these days actually I kept thinking, and sad about my height... I really think like my height is really a burden for me.. and it might really stop me from being a teacher... -sad- thinking of it.. makes me want to cry ... :( Actually that day when Mr Leong talk to me... and then... I really stunned.. and I am speechless... and I am truly truly very sad about it... -sighz- why is it so? why am i short? -sad- -sobx- - crys-
10:12 PM
Saturday, September 25, 2004
Back from work.. and had my dinner straight without bathing.. I have got no choice.. because I was having a terrible headache.. and I thought was because I didnt eat for the whole day... but I was wrong... I am still having a very bad headache now!!! damn it right?
Today is my first day at work... and as usual I am the quiet, shy, fearful person... I am place into the retail shop... hate it man! I hate doing customer service! I got no choice... -sighz- Whatever it is.. at the very first hour... it really sucks to the core... I know nothing and stuffs... then slowly getting used to it... I do not dare to approach my colleague and stuffs.. and I also dont dare to approach the customers at first... and I dont know what to do... so it really sucks... then got my headache.. but wasnt that bad... anyway it was really bored or rather i hate it.... then later it started to rain... and got to bring the things in... then got drenched cause of it... then after that my headache got worse... then just bear with it... then finally 8... go home!!!
Though could go home but it really sucks... because the headache is really very bad.. even now after eating panadol... guess I can eat one more tablet...!!! Anyway, I love school now... I love studying more and more... after getting out of ES and going into RP, I love to study but no longer got homework to do... so sad right? But the feeling of studying after working today is HIGHER!!!!! I want to study!!! I dont want to work!!! -sobx- Regret never retake O' level maths if not I could spend my time studying for it!!!!!!! -sighz- super bored... dread to work tomorrow already...
9:35 PM
Wednesday, September 22, 2004
FInally done with my blog... this song is special requested by my hubby... so .. let him lor.. haha... wait till I find the song I want then I will change it.. haha.. bleahx :P
I am feeling so tired now... I think the more I sleep.. the more tired I am...I keep yawning now... boring!!! tomorrow I got first-aid test.. haha... will I pass??? DOnt know.. dont care.. dont give a damn.. hahaha.. thats me.. lol... :D
Today nothing much.. just wake up and go for the course... sianz... boring... yawnz!!!! I think I am going to sleep soon... YaWnZ!!!
10:29 PM
Ok.. I am just so pissed off.. ok? I typed alot just now for this blog... and I wanted to select all and then everything is deleted... not just today... this is the second time... I think I must make a habit to type in wordpad before I publish in my blog... Forget it.. try to recall what I want to blog... Yes, its been 4 days since I last blogged... I was too tired to do so... and now actually I am too.. but I think I will just blog finish if not I will have a tough time to do it... I am very broke now... actually because I didnt plan my $$$ well enough thats why... but anyway, I think I will still not use my UOB account money on the courses I want to do... those money are for my studies... well I still owe Kelly $80... I think by end of this week I will be able to return to her... I will still stick to my plan, go for the coaching course in 3rd, 4th, 6th Nov... I am working now, so I think should be alright just that all I earn will be used up.. and no savings and to buy what I want to... but... no choice... ;( parents did not know that I am attending courses... and so I do not have anyone to back me up... $40 on OTC, $100 on first-aid... and more coming on... :( my wishlist needs to be push back... :( even I were to push back still not enough I guess? :( ok enough of grumbling... as there is a chinese saying "chuan dao qiao tou zi ran zhi"... now I am going to blog what had happened during the past 4 days and sad I am feeling now... ... ... shall start from saturday then...
Saturday (18th sept)
What happened on saturday? Woke up super early to watch the C div play their first carnival in NTU... ok not really first but 2nd... woke up like 5+++? I am not so hardworking for my bball training even... -sighz- friends really make a difference... RP people have really make in impact into me... other than some people from my class... back to the carnival... met Ms Mak and the rest at 6am at simei MRT... gosh... no bus when I was at the bus stop, so in the end, I took a cab... :S... train was delayed... then this and that... dont need into details then reach the place... the very first thing I remembered was when I was in sec 2 or 3... when different people and different teacher except me and mr teo was there... There were still some memories there... sad memories actually... because I did not play many games... most of the time is I sit down there and I looked.... well... forget about the past.. talked about saturday's match... the shooters are super off-form... perrine played GD better when she played C.. she could not adapt herself to sec1s... she is playing like she is playing with her seniors... she is super nervous... some of the players dont know what they are doing... they arent like this when I saw them in Unity or Eastview match.. Mr Teo was quite upset actually... its been a long time since I see him so angry... but after that had lunch together... went to Billy bombers.. had a super full lunch cum breakfast cum dinner actually... then after that we just went off... and I went back home to sleep.. and then wake up drank soup and then play com for awhile and sleep.. I think nothing much really happen other than those...
Sunday (19th sept)
Today is my dear dear(lydia) birthday... stayed up to 12 to wish her happy birthday... :) hope you had wonderful day... ok.. woke up later than saturday because Daddy agreed on driving me go... therefore woke up at 6.30... hee hee.. Perrine and Jolene followed me.... because they supposingly not playing... so can be late... but in the end we reached there about 7.30... and they had to played... so its a bit rush for them... we were lost in NTU for about 15mins... we do not know how to get to the place we want... haha.. so stupid actually... they started to warm-up.. and things... first game... it was a draw... again shooters were off... and players arent playing to what I seen... and it is the same for the next few matches... and... Mr Teo of course get so pissed... even me dont really dare to talk to him... :S
Before I continue to blog about what happened on Monday and today.. I think I just want to type something about myself and it might be the same for the girls... Seriously I do not know if they are feeling what I am feeling... When I stepped into RP, I do not have alot of pressure and stress... I was the one of the main players... I felt quite comfortable with almost everything just that there is a change of coach and I could not get used to it... all my friendlies I played much better than what I was in secondary school.. I was happy with my performance most of the time... i thought i had finally grew out of the stress thing and I grow confidence in myself already... BUT I was really wrong... super wrong... the very last friendly I had before my IVP and my very first match of IVP... it is a total disappointment! I felt so disappointed in myself... I lost everything... I lost my confidence again, I lost my cool... in these two matches... I dont know why... not just me... even some of my teammates... after some thinking... I think friendlies and main matches are different... the feelings are different... and feelings are one of the important that affect our play.. it determined how good we play... I thought in the friendlies I had become a total changed person and things... but I was wrong... friendlies, as the name suggest it is just a friend-match.. not important match.. we can change the rules, we change the style of playing... the feelings automatically will be quite relax... our mind relax down... but when it comes to IVP you guys the carnival.. your mind, automatically tell you that this match is very important match.. and what happened? the feelings are different... not just that.. you got nervous... everything doesnt seem to goes your way... you may not see it.. but outsider can... I do not think I am nervous for my matches.. but Mr Teo saw it... whatever I learned from mr teo or tony it just dont seem to come out when I play for the 2 important matches... my feelings, my nervousness just corrupt everything... and when things goes wrong.. your emotion got worse... your nervousness got more... than more problem comes in... and that was what I experienced... i really dont know if this is the case of the girls for c div and b div.. but seriously after my term break.. it had been a long time since I saw time play... and when I came back recently... I realised that they had improved alot... they never make those minor basic mistakes that often anymore... their timing is much better than before.. their play is much better... everything just got so well.. sometimes I still wonder why sec sch students can do it.. why RP cant... they really got alot better when I see them play in Unity and playing against Eastview.. but in the carnival everything was back to the past... ok enough of all these.. haha.. talked about monday and today...
Monday (20th spet)
Monday... nothing really happened lah... just that I went back school to find ben hai to help me out in my english... I forgotten some things.. so went back for help... i woke up at 1.30pm... despite mr teo kept smsing me at about 10... I changed my profile which is message tone off.. wahaha... :X went back school.. do nothing and wait for ben hai to finish his meeting.. wiat till want to fell asleep... but anyway also nothing much... so later he came and help me recall abit.. then later wanted to take cheque from hubby.. then also called panda cause she is involved too.. so mr teo, hubby and me went down century to meet her... then had dinner... then ice cream... then followed panda to meet yuu and sihua... then wanted to leave after sitting a while.. in the end I didnt... because I took out my compo to do... so I finished then went off with sihua... and managed to reach home and watch my fireman show.. haha.. then I think nothing much... oh yes... I am called down for work on saturday and sunday... sad.. sad.. sad... no more freedom!!! but no choice... need the money... no one to back me up...
Tuesday (21st sept)
ok.. boring day!... first-aid course sucks... so bored.. just a waste of my beauty time... I need my beauty sleep.... but.. borinG!!! worse still.. got 2 more days to go... learn nothing... only CPR... the rest seems to be illogical or what.. but other than CPR.. learn about some minor minor things lar.... but it is really bored... 2 more days.. ok!? how can i survive!!!??? other than this... I think nothing much...
Ok other than all these.. i am really quite upset... are we friends or are we not? In your heart am I your friend? Have you ever treat me as a friend? Sometimes you show me care and concern... sometimes you treat me coldly... I really dont know... but this time you hurt me alot! I am really hurt by what you had done... you treat me so coldy... need help then you approach me and talked to me.. dont need help I will be the one approaching you and talked to you... and when I talked to you... you sometimes even ignore me... so what is this? so tell me.. am i your friend? you said yes.. but I doubt so... anyway.. you also wont know what i blog.. -sighz- but i just want to write it out.. dont wish to bottle it up... -sighz- am i realky being taken granted for like what the others kept telling me? i keep choosing not to believe them.. but when time comes i really wonder.. but sometimes you really did concern me through your heart.,. -sighz- am i just being sensitive about u again?
1:07 AM
Friday, September 17, 2004
Nothing much to really blog today... but just 1 very important thing...
I went back to ES... then nothing much really happen... but just that I went into the PE room, Mr Teo was looking at the photos of the current Sec4s... therefore I took a look too...
He was looking at Karin's part... and it was matched with a very sad music... and well... I just kept looking... and trying to controlled my tears, well, I think this wasn't mine, and why am I feeling so sad... then slowly, team photos keep flashing out... and well memories also kept coming back to my mind... and so... my tears is fighting their way out of my eyes but I controlled it well...I felt really sad when I saw the part when the 4 of them took together... (Karin, Siewmei, Eileen and Weeling) Well, well, well, they parted, and I am really sad for them... When we were looking at all the slides, there was this part when Mr Teo, shook his head, and I just told him, "Mr Teo, don't cry lah.." and he replied, "I was just thinking, her father might not have so many of her photos too." and though he is referring this to Karin, but I totally agreed this... and I am sure every one will...Not just me got touched by this sentence, but even Huiying and Perrine... I was almost crying out when I saw the sunrise photo taken this year june (8, 9, 10), their camp, when I was with them running with them... and Mr Teo said, "this is the sunrise he promised and this is the first one..." and well, memories of us running to Pasir Ris and failed to catch the sunrise, and also the times when we need to wake him up during camp... The second thing that almost make me cried while looking at Karin's slides, were the part when we were at the bbq, 25th June 03... we took the pictures together...
I was really controlling my tears well... and then start watching Eileen's part... and the start was the one took with us... and then followed by group photos... and I really very sad about it already.. and then Sotong said want to leave.. and then don't know why, Sai just pulled my hand and said, 'don't cry...' ... and obviously I cant control anymore and cried...
I quickly just tried to leave the room... and Mr Teo said he still have some of my pictures, and then I just asked really arh.. then I nodded and left the room quickly... it was just too sad and I just could not control my tears any longer...well...the feelings of the team is still very deep inside my heart... and I suppose only 1% had left my heart and 99% is still right inside my heart... I really miss everyone.. I really wonder if any of the experience will come back again.. but I know it will never be.. because what is gone is gone... and therefore here I know I need to cherish them more and spend more time with them whenever I can... especially the CHIJ, my disciples and the towers and of course most importantly... our FATHER.. Mr Teo...
After leaving... I just tell Huiying and Perrine how sad I was, and how much I missed those times... and I really 'Pei Fu' Mr Teo.... he could actually handle it... I mean you see I cant handle when it was just Karin's slides, and he could handle it, when I know deep inside his heart he definitely will feel sad... and you see, every year end, he needs to do the photos, and every year, 1 batch leave him and the team and the school... and he could handle it.. or rather never really show it out... really wonder how he could do it...
After that nothing really happen... I mean all that happen is not that important than this... Anyway, Mr Teo, just now you say still got my photos right? Can send it to me with those sunrise photos? I really want it, didn't ask from you just now because I was crying liao... so can send?
Tomorrow and Sunday is my juniors' match... hopefully they can perform well.. I rejected my job because of their match.. so hope tomorrow and Sunday will be a good day..
10:05 PM
Thursday, September 16, 2004
Woah... just back from chalet... its a wonderful time... :) Well.. tuesday went back to ES before going to chalet... and well.. they played with EVSS... oops I umpired the game.. and well.. it sucks obviously... I could not umpire... Never will I want to umpire again... the girls are really improving... I mean last time I kept going back and the standard comparing till now is different.... but definately still need lots of improvement... one must always seek improvement to be a better player... but well... they are much a better player now... well done :)
After looking at them play... I was bluffed by Ms Goh, Mr Teo and Mr Lai... went to KK hospital -.- then later just like that then went back to chalet... over there didnt do much.. just bathe, watched TV, then talked and sleep... we talked about our 1st impression.... talked about how we felt for each other and stuffs... then fell asleep... thought I was able to tahan till 5am and then disturb the girls and Mr Teo.. to asked them wake up... but I overslept.. so wasted!!! But 7am.. the irritating Mr Teo did it to ME!!!! so tired lorh!!! hmpF~!!! but brushed teeth, eat breakfast then watched TV for a while.. and I fell asleep again... then I went back home to pack and then went to ES to find my brother... then later went for my game at SP.. haha I was super late... reached 6.15.. when my game starts at 6.30 haha... Tony didnt scold nor say anything... I just did my drills and thats it... this is my 2nd game where I can rest at the 3rd quarter.. and last quarter I playe GA... whahaha!!! :D hee hee hee.. this game is just a for fun game... :) we are just playing and laughing... hee hee hee... then after game two people just pissed me off.. and so I just left SP straight and took cab to chalet.. and saw Mr Chang bbq for uS! haha.. had a nice chat with Mr Chang, talking about studies... and well... I guess I will stay in RP? Had lots of fun with Wallace and the class... was a nice day... threw Wallace, jasmine and sequeena into the pool.. and myself got sarbo too.. wahaha... so fun... smashed cake, poured oil, poured honey, poured satay sauce onto Wallace.. wahaha.. he wasnt angry at all... and really lots of fun.. :) but pui lost her phone.. and thats very bad... we got fed up that our class got such people... -sighz- dont wish to say anything more...
Today.. slept at 4.30... could not tahan till 5 to disturb them agaiN!!! so pissed!!!! hmpF~!!! then woke up at about 8 plus.. then packed our bags and things and we left for breakfast... and then back home... and I slept.. and well.. I overslept... cause suppose to be school at 2.15 but woke up at 2.30! hahaha... but so angry... stupid mr teo lied to me.. make me rushed to school.. run ok!... idiot... then match is cancelled... arghh!!! so tired.. then later went to Sportslink bought bball short... cause tomorrow got bball training...
Now my heart will be bball and wushu... and thats all... resting myself for netball for the time being.. other than ES netball lah.. hehee... :) Anyway I rejected the job for this saturday and sunday.. because of ESnetball... they having carnival.. so I rejected my work... felt bad.. but I know if I were to work... I will feel more miserable.. so ... well.. just do things I am happy with... :)
ok.. netball aside le.. now is wushu, and bball! :D And.. obviously.. NYAA... :) ok.. stop blogging le.. need to do what I need to do... and promise myself that dduring my holidays.. I will clear my mess.. so I must.. :)
8:59 PM
Monday, September 13, 2004
What can I say now? Mr Teo really makes me very confused now... Just now lesson ends early therefore I went back to ES... Just feel like, so went back... After their training, Mr Teo wants to talk to me... and... he talked about my blog... about the Thoughts I have that day...
He told me about his experience in JC, about him going back again and again though he had graduated... said about how he felt that time... and is just totally how I felt ever since I stepped out of ES... especially ES netball... I have always wanted to go back ES and also to train with the current batch... and then have lots of laugh and jokes... I really thought I had moved on... but I am totally wrong... especially the start of september when everyone of them is having their holidays and my class is clearing holidays and me got influenced too... and I just wished holidays to come as soon as possible so that I could spend my time with the irritating ones...
I have been thinking about the decision of working since that day till now... and well, Mr Teo reminded me cherish what you have now, things might be different next year... of what he said makes me even more regret of making the decision to work... really.. no bluff... but after the talk he said, he is not trying to ask me not to work, nor saying he wants me come back or something... but just tryng to let me know that to cherish what I have now... and what is gone is gone... it wont come back... I almost cried out when I heard this sentence, what is gone is gone... and it is really gone... he could see how desperately I want to go back... how attached I am to the girls and the team... I suppose he just dont want to see me regret for not going back ES in future bah... which I actually agree... things will be different next year... next year when JS the batch is gone things will be different... leaving with just Sotong this batch... and people changes... so if I dont cherish what I have now... it will be gone and I will regret in future...
He said about working for experience I can do it in future.. I still got a long way to go..so it is alright... but if is working for money, then I go... well for me is just for experience and for fun and because of the start of the year... when Kelly is working and Neo is working... they told me things... therefore I felt really confused...
I have been thinking about it since just now... about everything he said... and making any decision definately have its pro and its cons... and also making any decision... definately I need to sacrifice something... and all these are said when I message him in MSN... and when I was talking to him.. I was talking to Sotong also... was talking about the whole thing too... Sotong kept telling me just go and work... and they will go somewhere near my working place to study.. and so after my work I can go and find them... so.. well.. thanks Sotong.. at least now I really know that at least one of you care... But anyway, when I was talking to the both of them, before Mr Teo asked me this question, "What is more important to you now? What is you need?" I was crying as I was talking to Sotong... cause I realise that they are really very important to me... and when the thoughts of me missing their trainings.. then Mr Teo start asking me those questions... in our mind there is always two 'inner' voice... and so this is what happen to me... I know what is important to me now... but the bad inner voice tell me other way... saying I need to get out of the phase.. and plus Mr Teo just now said that now getting out is good as that now all I have is good memories, and if later there might be bad memories... so got this and that.... so confused right?
But well.. I think sorted out my thoughts a little.. they are having break after this week... till their exam over... and well... since is that I shall not also bother them that much.. let them study... and well... they are having just 1 day training every week... and at most I will just work and then make sure on their training day I no work.. then go train? Haha.. then the most worried decemeber I will just quit then... I will just spend my december holidays with the irritating ones...
Anyway, really "what gone is gone, will never come back" this sentence from Mr Teo reminded me... and the experience he shared with me... makes me really think... is like what ms lye always told me.. learn from other people's experience... and so.. I am now learning from Mr Teo's experience...
11:58 PM
Tomorrow is my last day of school... I suppose it is going to end damn early... and well I am going to rush back home and pack my stuffs and go to ES... because they are going to have match tomorrow... and well.. tomorrow night I will be having my class chalet...
It is going to be a busy week for me... and I really wish no work this week... I want to enjoy myself with them first.. and to see the team.. chalet till thursday... thursday they having match... friday having training.. saturday, sunday they having match... so.. -.- nevermind... I dont find it tiring to be with them.. :) haha..
Well.. last day of school tomorrow.. going to enjoy myself.... =)
10:28 PM
Saturday, September 11, 2004
Yesterday we won, but I dont know why, I just doesnt seem to be like a winner ... I do not really show the happiness in me, like the rest of them... I thought I am the only one, but kelly too.. we were wondering is it our hearts are still in ESSS? When ESSS win, I could still feel the happiness... when ESSS lose I could feel the sadness... when RP lose, I felt nothing... when RP win... the happiness is not so strong... -ponderz- I think my heart is really still in ESSS... I really miss those time in ES... with the team, with the teammates and most importantly with the father of ours - Mr Teo...
I really think that my heart is still with the ES people.. I could not really get out of it... especially now... the moment my holiday seem to come, the happiness came, not becuase no school.. but because I can go back ES so often again... At first I thought I had already grow out of it, I had forgotten the past or rather move on to my future, but then it just does not seem so now.. my holiday is on wednesday... so much happiness in me... BUT... ...
Life really have lots of dilemas... I facing more and more dilenmas... and most of the time is because of ESSS... well.. this time is because of my job and ESSS... I wanted to work, I want to gain experience, I want to earn more money... I want to spend my time more wisely... so I asked if there is any job, Kevin recommend to his job, well, I got it.. but I am not feeling any happy at all... because the thoughts of me having less time to mix with my ES peepx makes me sad... yesterday I thought about whther to go for the interview or not because Kevin told me 80% of his friends got in the job... and its really because of ES peepx, and netball trainings in ES that makes me in dilemas.. I really want to go back to trainings in ES but having a job might stop me from going back... BUt thinking over, I really need to get out of this, I cannot forever stick with them, I need to have my own life, I need to spend more time for myself and I need to be independent... I really need to get out of this pathetic situation... so I went for the interview...
I think this job can help me get out of the phase bah... though now I really very very sad about it... but well... no choice... I need to grow out of this.. I cant possibly every time I go back and waste my time (I am not saying that its a waste of time to be going back but Mr Teo's blog makes me really think...) I really need to spend more time for myself... I am sad really sad now... and so worried that I am not going to have enough time to spend with those people, and also not enough time for me to go back ES to train... but I REALLY NEED TO GROW OUT OF IT!!!!
Will I be able to grow out of it? Will I? I really afraid I cant... I miss those times so much... and now that I got my holidays, I have a job in hand... and probably I cant go back... so how? Will I be able to do it? I really dont know... I really dont know... Now I am just a bit worried, because Sat and Sun ES having carnival, and I dont know if I will have work, if I do, I will be so sad... but after this week they got no trainings, and they need to study their exam so I dont mind working... but Dec.. how? They got trainings, I got work, I got holidays.. I want to go back training!!!! Especially when Mr Goh will be there.. I want to learn.. because I think I will be attending Level 1 coaching course in Nov.. so its a good time.. HOW!!!??? Having regrets now.. -sighz- Will I grow out of it?????
10:33 PM
Yesterday match... was a great one... we won TP... 39 vs 27... well done girls...
Mr Teo really went there... thanks man!!! I thought you are just saying... but you are really there... thanks aloT! ;) Mr Leong also... love my hubby and shifu(s) so much.. I say I want to see them, they really there.. thanks man!... yes and not forgetting my dearest dar dar... PANDA! hee... she too there though she got training... :) THANKS ALL!!! LOVE YOU ALL!!! MUACKS!!! Yes, my juniors too.. not expecting them... but... they are there.. hee... this time I did not disappoint myself and I guess you guys.. :) I have done my best though I know I kept shouted by that TONY... but I sort of ignore him abit... also.. I INURIED MY FACE!!! Hit by one TP player on my face, and is blue-black now! so ugly.. :(
After the match, had a de-briefing from Tony and adeline... well Adeline is leaving us, therefore she talked quite alot.. and Tony brief everyone one of us.. and talked about the coming match, trainings and everything... so it took quite a long time... and Jennifer birthday is coming and she is going back to M'sia so celebrated her birthday at that moment also... and took some pictures... Mr Teo got pissed off of waiting for us... -sighz- sorry teachers... to keep you all waiting.. sorry.. saying from the bottom of my heart... sorry!
After changing, quiuckly went with them... Mr Teo is really angry... and Mr leong and Mr lai was talking to us in the car... reached the Macperson place he also havent really talked.. only ah hai and hubby.. then hubby asked me to put egg.. then later talked about chicken rice and stuffs.. later ah hai say want to poke my bruise.. idiot him.. hmpF~! then Finally talked a little... asking me to put ice on it.. then so I go take ice lor... wah lau.. super painful man... -ouch!- then later kelly took ah hai's wallet.. haha.. then ah hai keep on searching and he says it was us taking his wallet... we are so innocent! :X after that then we went home... put ice on the briuse.. but its soo painful! sad lorh.. :(
Woke up today.. the bruise spread.. and its so uglY! I dare not go out.. but since my mum doesnt seem to be able to notice it.. so I guess no one will be able to.. so I went for my interview.. and yes.. I make it through.. I pass.. and now I am working at escape themepark.. yeah! :D thats all for the day.. and let me blog about my thoughts now...
10:07 PM
Thursday, September 09, 2004
Tomorrow will be my final match... it will determine whether will we move on to fight for 5th/6th position... tony talked to us, told us what to do and everything... well.. hopefully we can win.. :)
Should I go to school tomorrow? Haha... I am so slack now, keep clearing my leave... this two weeks been absent for a few days... hee hee... but surprisingly, mummy never scold me wor.. :) so shocked right? Yeah.. :D haha.. taking advantage too.. but well.. I think she knows that I am old enough to think.. and I think at least I am truthful to her... I told her that I dont want to go, unlike K..... she been absent for classes and then telling her mum is leave or something.. using another way of explaining to her mum... I know she did that for the past, I not sure if she is still doing that.. hopefully not...
Nevermind, hope she will know... well.. when I absent now I will think carefully if it will affect my grades or not, when it doesnt, I will then absent myself... but for them... they just do not care at all... getting B or C+ is the same... this show I am matured... wahhaha :D
I told two fac about my ambition being a teacher.. they are so bad!!! They couldnt believe that... !!! They sort of laughed at me.. :( but in the end, Alvin said that once I become a teacher, I must come back to RP and inform him that I am a teacher..
Ok la.. enough of all these crapz... tomorrow is the match.. as I said at the start.. hopefully it will goes well like how it goes during my NTU match.. I did well other than held ball... other than that I am happy with myself... I smile walking out the court though we lost... I felt proud of myself... :) Well... tomorrow WILL be the same! :D Yunru will now be the Yunru who she wants, she likes and she loves to be... she will be what she wants to be... :) Jiayou...!
Hope to see those who say might come... or depends... hope :-) good nitex all.. and yea.. Ms Teh replied my mail.. :) haha
11:52 PM
I am not sad because netball, but because of class... I realise this is really the last week for all my modules.... and well... I missed my last lesson yesterday.. and I felt a little regret about missing my lesson yesterday but thinking about it, I think it is alright, because I had a wonderful time yesterday... had great fun with my juniors and mr teo... great talk with them too.. :) Well.. nevermind... today, it was quite sad, last CnC lesson... and I realise it is so sad and fast that I wont see David again.. haha.. but took class photo... but not the whole class... but its ok... :)
Another news I know is that... Wallace is resigning from RP... he cannot adapt to this school... he loves to teach and not PBL system... and well.. wish him luck in his future then...
Tomorrow is my match.... critical match... hpefully I can see those who I want to seee... --> Mr Teo, Mr Leong, my juniors... ;) hopefully I can see them...
2:45 PM
Wednesday, September 08, 2004
Smile? haha... yes smile... I am happy :) before saying why am I happy, I shall just blog about today things...
I absent from school again. Wanted to go yesterday, I told myself already today I sure go to school but in the end I absent again. I woke up at the same time, but I just felt so tired to get up. In the end, I just sleep again. But was still deciding to go or not to go, at the end, my mum ask me not going school, I replied yes, then I sleep soundfully again.
Woke up at about 9 plus, then sms mr teo about their match today because since I am so free then I think I shall just do down and look at them. He replied about 11, then was still sleeping so peacefully, so sweetly. FInally, at about 12 I then pull myself up. Went online for awhile, then bathe and eat and went to school. I didnt buy food for mr teo, help him to lose weight :x (but not intentionally)
In the bus, chatted alot with adeline and jinshu and su wei... crapped alot... then I felt so tired again. Oopx.. dont know why also... JUst so sleepy lorh... Cannot take it... then later reached Unity Sec, then rain... then like that lor... Overall they really improved... their basic is more of steady already.. communication was there... their swing was nice... really everyone improved quite alot... -smilez-
In the school, crapped alot with mr teo and adeline and sai... talked alot of rubbish and me being very bhb.. thats as usual right? When the other team about to start, mr teo came to talk to me and ask me you think which team will win? Then, he says something like this is important because you know if you are losing to a better team? soemthing like that.. I got a very bad memory... therefore, we talked for a while, then I see see look look ... After talking about this, then I say I am so tired... then he said that I am wasting all my energy on fighting my nervouness.. he asked me if during my o level oral, was I nervous? then was I tired? after the oral was I feeling very tired? all yes.. so I sort of agree.. but then dont know la.. haha.. :x but 1 thing I know is that he said that now I am feeling so tired how to play well later because I am going to waste my energy on fightingn my nervouness.. but I told him I wont.. too bad he didnt go and watch the match...
Anywya, I caught a little nap when the B div are playing... was really very tired... its too tired to do anythign.. so I just take a little nap.. then after that wake up and asked for my phone and go to SP.... before that.. he said I dont look good.. very nervous look.. was I really that nervous? or just too tired? I dont know.. but he said it was nervous.. -shrugs- I only know I veyr rush, went out of the school took cab down and then rech SP about 5.45 then I change and then quickly do my warm up and join them for the drills and then straight go toilet again and come back take my bibs and listen a little.. and... PLAY... woah... so rush right?
Now I am wodnering if is it when I am rush, I do not have anytime to waste on thinking negatively, oor rather no time to waste on feeling tired and lethargic and so I can do well? Why do I say that.. here come my happy time..
So rush, then went in the court and play... I just kept my focus there.. tried my best and well.. i think I had perform much better than in NP match and also in AJ match.. which was my last two matches.. well.. I am back to what I am... the person who I want, I like and I love... I do not really feel tired in the game at all... it was only till the very last quarter then I felt tired.. but for the whole 3 quarters I dont.. not like in Aj or Np.. and now.. I am happy.. :) Intercepted one or two balls :) Ok la.. other than a small mistake of mine, which is the held ball I am happy with my performacne today.. I am trying.. yeah.. hopefully this stay and well.. do it fro TP match and we shall proceed to fight for 5th or 6th position in iVP... :) Not hope.. but I will.. :D
Its time to study for my test... anyway.. my back hurts so much now.. fell down just now.. my hip bone hit the ground... then now my back near to the hop bone hurts.. argh..
11:07 PM
Shant blog much about yesterday match.. just let it go.... but just want to mention something here.. thanks for those who went down... the sec2s was a surprised... thought they arent coming.. but they came... :) thanks for that.. i am super touched ... the teachers.. thanks alot also.. :) last but not least..my panda... :D hee hee.. thanks thanks... :D
But I really want to thank Mr Teo, Mr Leong, Panda and SOtong... Well.. due to what I was thinking I cried hard after match after talking to Kelly, and well after a while Mr Teo came over and asked what is wrong with me, then told me not to spoil my rest of a day because of a lousy plus so many people came... and so I tried.. :) its hard though... but tried lah.. hopefully didnt really spoilt their day too... but was really tired... went for dinner on the way, sat on panda's leg and then slept... I really look like sleeping on my hubby's shoulder? haha :X oops.. dont jealous.. :X Had a wonderful dinner with all of them.. dua hai make a fool of himself...
Mr Teo not just talked to me... he patted on my head.. and it just reminded me of my first zonal match in sec 3... Played till the 3rd quarts and the last quart I injured.. Zuer, kelly, Mr teo and me went to woodlands... and I remembered that I was keeping damn quiet... and just shocked... my ankle is so damn swollen.. and mr teo was there patting my head telling me I played well... no basic mistakes... just when he patted on my head yesterday... I just felt so happy inside my heart... and it just reminded me of the times when he pat on my head when i was in secondary school... just like a little kid being show concern by the dad... Though I not in the school but Mr Teo is still as caring, as thoughtful... he is still there when I am down... for this I really want to thank him... Mr Teo.. thanks for yesterday :)
Mr Leong... he chatted with me yesterday night before I went to sleep... suppose he could see my face or maybe bcecause of my nick... he talked to me... well... he is right... I need to learn to forgive myself... and I think if I dont forgive myself, I think the rest of my matches I will play worse... Tomorrow is experience game... a game just for experience... so I will just try and do... :) well... Mr Leong thanks for talking to me and telling me what had happened in secondary 1.. :)
Panda... she was right.. I am too eager to perform well... I am too tense up... I am really too eager to show... but when I am tense up I cant perform.. and when I cant perform... I sad.. when I sad.. I give up.. and it goes to see I am not trying.. then become I play like shit... all just linked right? I am really too eager to perform... too eager... -sighz- but she makes me clear... thanks... :)
Sotong... was smsing her... and talking to her... she consoled me too.. :) thanks
This match is just an experience... and well.. I must learn to forgive myself (mr leong) and to let go of the lousy match (mr teo)... shant let all these affect my other matches... I need my confidence level to be back again tomorrow and also friday...
Friday.. is an exciting match.. a match where RP team look forward to... a match which is our goal.. a goal we set together in our mind... there strive for it :) Tomorrow I think Panda, and the teachers wont be there.. but I I guess the juniors might be coming.. but well.. tomorrow it will be a brand new Yunru... anyway... I really hope on Friday to see Panda and Mr Teo and the rest.. seeing them give me the motivation.. :) hearing the cheering from Panda just makes me :) seeing their faces gave me the warmth.. really hope to see them on friday.. it wont be another disappointing match...
1:21 AM
Monday, September 06, 2004
What can I say? What can I do? What should I say? WHAT? I am really back to my old self... a negative, a no determination, a dumb, a lazy person. Some one who I shouldn't be.
I know that Cheryl they all didnt blame me, they too blame themselves, but I really dont know, it just seems to be my fault. I am so disappointed in myself. I am not like this a month ago, or even 3 months ago. I was some one who had improved, some one who is stable, some one who I LIKE.
Having very bad headache, and seems to be falling sick. Well, I think will continue to blog tomorrow. I am too tired and not in the right frame of mind to blog now. I am really very upset with myself.
10:55 PM
Sunday, September 05, 2004
Time really flies arh? Still remember one month ago, I was still saying, "one more month to IVP." A week ago, I was still saying, "Wah.. so fast, one more week IVP liao." ... 5days ago, "Die siaz, so fast... IVP coming le." and now... its 15 more hours to IVP... haha.. freako me... :X
Ok, well, I am anxious and afraid but looking forward. Well, more or less I suppose I will be super tired tomorrow. He is putting us for the whole 4 quarts? Dont know if he is going to do what he said on thursday. -shrugs- if he really did... I will be like dead. running up and down for 1 whole hour... -.- but I will not forget what he said, "I will put my first 7 no matter what, I dont want to hear the first 7 telling me you are sick or what, you have to tahan for the 4 quarts." Well, I should be happy, out of the 4 years in ES, I never had such chance before, either because of my injury or because of better player. This is a good chance for me, so I definately cannot lose this chance. Also, I must do well for RP sake and also for my own sake. I always wanted to be a better player, so I need to! Hope everything goes well tomorrow. I want to perform well, I need to, and I will!
Ok, tomorrow is the first match, my dearest shifu and hubby will be there :) I am so happy to hear them say they are going. :) I am so touched :) This will be the first time ah hai see me play, I suppose I will be his laughing stock tomorrow. Anyway, I am really happy to hear them coming. :) Thanks yea? Suppose Panda will be there too :)
I will be what I am tomorrow. A player where will help the team to achieve what we always wanted. A goal to break the last year record. A 2 years old school that will not be last. This is our goal, a goal where everyone wants to achieve. And me, personal goal, to be a better player.
Will visuallise myself to be like how I played for the SP match and do even better for tomorrow :)
It is time to study for my UT.. no much time left... Tomorrow if really play all 4 I think I will reach home bathe and sleep... or will not have any more energy to study...
9:55 PM
Saturday, September 04, 2004
Forget to say that yesterday I went back school. Saw Mrs Tang, chatted with her and have fun. After that, I spotted Mdm Tey, Neo, CIndy and I dashed over to meet her. :) SO happy. Mdm Tey saw us, she was so happY! She smile so happily! :) We are so happy too. We chatted alot. Talked about her current class which is my tu-dis class and also my class. HAHA.. so funny... I keep sarbo JS! :X hee hee hee... :x I keep telling her we talked bad about her. LoL.. :X
Wanted to find Mr Chew, but didnt saw him. Quite sad though, but nevermind, when my semster break, I think I will go and find him :)
11:10 PM
Didnt blog yesterday... lets start with yesterday then..
Friday
I didnt go to school on friday, so I woke up at about 12noon. I am happy for not going to school, because I felt very tired. Decided to have my hair cut, it is too long. I want to have a short hair when I am playing the games, therefore, I went for it. This hair style is totally not I wanted, I wanted a more stylo and cool and short hair, well, not my uncle cut, so I should expect less.
Thursday night, I was sad, before I went to sleep, talked to my shifu. I wanted to talk to him long ago, but I just so confused with what is on my mind and I totally do not know how to phrase it into words. All I told him is that I had a lousy match with AJ. After telling him that, we actually kept very quiet, I was thinking and upset with the match, trying hard to analyse and also blogging. Before I left, I just said bye and say I do not know how to tell him, then he just said "sometimes you just tried too hard, performace is relative to expectation" After a short talk with him, I realise he is really right. 1 difference between me in AJ and in other matches is I never expect alot from other matches but AJ match! I kept wanting to prove to myself, to console myself that I can do well for the upcoming IVP matches. Now, it is no longer about ability, but my mental strength again. In the past, both are weak, so I could not perform well. This time, due to the fact that I am the main 7, gave me the confidence about myself, and so it leads to strength in doing better. Though I am still not a very good player, but I know in my heart, when I am in my top form, my peak performance, I am a better player then before. No matter what, I know now at this critical point, I must do all my very best, and be a much better player. The lousy match(AJ) I need to let go, and I will let go. After talking him, I told myself not to think so much, so I woke up, cut hair and have fun!
I went out with Cindy, Sihua, Neo, Panda. Nice day, a very nice day. Felt so happy. Watched 9.15 show, "A cinderella story". It is a cool show, I love the ending. Have lots of fun, felt relax. :)
Saturday
Woke up quite early and went to RP. Extra science lesson, it was boring, just did a few questions and thats all. I was surprised, I still remember what Ms Sakinah teach, I used it and I got the answer. =) Have not really return everything back to her. After that went back home, ate alot, and 2 hours later I went to sleep. Just woke up, and so I am here blogging. Quite bored now. Maybe will start revising for my Science UT then.
Must remember to do some visualisation and self-talk on monday.
Never let the fear striking out, keep you from playing the game!
6:13 PM
Thursday, September 02, 2004
I just feel like crying now.... I am so disappointed in myself... I realise a change in me after I step into RP, a positive change, a change that I am happy with, but the same old me is back... I lost my focus in the game, I lost my cool, I lost my temper, I lost everything... TOTALLY EVERYTHING just now... I am so so so upset with myself... and not the team... what is happening? What is wrong? What is going on my mind? What is causing me to be like this!? I really dont know... I must get out of this phase as soon as possible... possible if it is by tomorrow... I need to get it over by saturday so as I can perform well on saturday, so as I know I can do it for monday, np match... my first IVP match... a match whereby I think for the whole 60mins, I will be playing... I need to be the 1 I am for SP match... Jiayou~!
Difference between SP match and AJ match... at the start, SP match I did not flare up at the team... then SP match I do what was told, and add on... SP match... cheryl was there at the warm-up... SP match, tony was there for the 1st quarts... SP match there is so much difference.. so is it because of these difference that make me become like that? Different from my 1st quarts and 3rd quarts was that, I visualise and self-talk before I go into the court... and well better play.. but cheryl was there too... peiru was there too... I really realise the importance of teammates now... ok lah, more and less I suppose I know what is wrong? I am going to analyse more tomorrow morning... should not be going to school.. having headache.. and I want to analyse what is wrong with me for today match.. so I wont affect the team... also.. going to have a hair cut... so like that lor.. so most prob not going.. plus I have never absent for this also.. and this is the 2nd last lesson liao..
but anyway, I really suck at the first match... I am so a lousy player... -sighz- hope this play will not going to repeat once again.. today will be the last time!
9:03 PM
Yesterday was the real day for Teachers' Day.. I pon school... well Alvin wasnt in school, and the fac so sucks... though he look handsome... but well.. this grade is not going to affect.. so I pon... but dont know how to tell Alvin next week.. haha.. dont care lah...
I went back ES... before that met for lunch.. something happened.. but I guess its over, so I think forget it, and I dont wish to write about it also... both side at fault?? But mostly is me la... ok.. whatever...
In school.. study for my Science UT.. wah.. quite a number of things I forget and dont know... -sighz- no much time left for me to study for the UT... I am left with like... 3 days only... because tonight got match, monday got match... so only friday, saturday and sunday... sat got match in morning also, sunday got tuition also.. boring~!!! tough week....
At night... have dinner with Mr Leong, SH, Panda, XW... :) so happy.. was a nice day with them.. felt very happy.. and it was really nice.. :) Had lots of fun... really lot of fun.. and laughter :) hee hee... -smilex-
Learn alot of things... Mr Leong told me alot of things.. and ... yes, I reflect on it... and I agree with him.. one thing I want to say is.. Mr leong, if its 8 months ago, and if 'the thing' happen, yes, I wouldnt care... but now... I can really say, if 'it' happen... I will care alot... I always wanted to say something to you, after I left the school, or rather step into Poly, I really know how to appreciate you, and I felt very happy to have you around me, not just mr teo.... thanks... :)
1 thing I am very happy also, I think on monday I will be able to see Mr Teo, Mr leong.. and.. ah hai??? at SP... ;D hee hee.. so good.. so nice.. haha :) they give me more energy to perform better.. hahaha :x but i want dinner!!! ;x haha.. ok.. soon study le.. need to go le.. bye ..
Anyway, I really want to say.. I really miss ES alot now.. lucky my sems break is coming soon.. a few more day.. I will be free... :D And.. I really miss certain teachers... Mdm Tey, Mr Chew, Mr Lai, Ms Teh, Mr Tay .... I really miss them so much.. especially Mdm tey and mr chew...
Mr Chew, is also someone who really had touched my life...
1:05 PM
Wednesday, September 01, 2004
How? Should I just pon? I am so tired now... not enough sleep at all.. and my mood isnt that good too... Early morning, on the bed, was already thinking should I just skip my lesson, but I still pull myself up because I thought of Alvin-my fac... I came for the sake of him, I know I shouldnt but... well, I know as long as I do what I need to.. I will get a good grade from him... but.. well.. Alvin didnt came to school... that spoils my mood totally!!! I am super sianz from it already... then the relief- fac came in... he is handsome... but I just hate him!!!!!! he sucks???
Should I just leavve? I can absent this lesson... really... I can afford to leave this lesson.. so.. should I? Even if I were to leave.. my grades wont be affected at all... this is just like extra knowledge lesson.. so???
10:09 AM
